Flowerly Smile

Learning Kenyan

2012-01-27T20:41:00.008Z

For the first three years of my mid teenage son's life we communicated in Kikuyu, my mother tongue, and only Kikuyu. A few people were a bit apprehensive, like my brothers, but he is my son. I caused several times when they spoke English to him, or when he responded in English. Being born in UK, and with no immediate plans of relocating to Kenya he was going to learn the queen's language anyway. Kikuyu was going to give him a sense of identity and belonging, not to mention having a medium of a private conversation with him in public, or a language I could threaten him, 'eterera tukinye mucii' (wait we get home).

Two weeks to his third birthday, I had to leave for Kenya to care for my mum, and what I thought was a short stay lasted for nine months. I came back to find a chatterbox and my hard work had gone down the drain. My chatterbox son did not speak a word of Kikuyu, courtesy of my brothers. But he was well taken care of.

Last Christmas, my son and I went to Kenya. It was his first time ever, and he hated 16 of the 20 days we were there (the 4 were spent in Malindi).

To my surprise, he picked so many words, but they are all Kenyan. Uka haha, oriti, wacha ujinga, poa, tugende, ninguukuna, barikiwa, shindwe, wi mwega, habari, misi, I have no idea which language to concentrate on. I only speak Kikuyu and Kiswahili. I hate Sheng.

But I'm glad the interest to learn Kenyan is there. I can also proudly report that my son has come from being a Gikuyu, Kenyan, English, British and back to Kenyan.

Yes, it's all over, for now.

2011-05-10T22:06:00.005+01:00

I have finally come to the end of my journey. My project went in yesterday. I have spent 14 hours in bed and the rest indoors not knowing what to do with myself. The last 3 weeks have been spent in front of ‘Stalker III’, and right now, although he and I have spent too much time together, I’m trying to spend as much time away from him as possible, therefore, as soon as I use him to write this post, I’ll be off him for a few days. My son has missed him so much. Apparently he shows the best movies. I’ll be using ‘Handy’ instead.

Anyway, I have survived the last few weeks with this project, and yesterday after the hand in I went to see my course director, just to thank him for his help thru the journey. I expressed to him how tough it was, and how I thought I don’t have to ever go through that again. He was sympathetic enough, and just kinda repeated the exact words I had told my ‘gal’ earlier in the week that I’ll either never touch an academic book ever in my life, or I go back and do a doctorate within a few months. Mmhhh, Doctorate? So I can do a doctorate, a DBA, me, Dr Maua?

The doctorate can wait for now, I need to re-bond with a few people. My God for starters, He never let me down even when I sometimes, sometimes is an underestitate, most times forgot Him. My brothers even gave up phoning me, I was unavailable. My son, oh my son, he so understood me through this journey that he just kept off my way. He cooked for me, he ran my baths, he tucked me when I fell asleep in the wrong places and he even did the shopping. He was just the perfect guy for me, that I wrote this in my acknowledgement.

This work is dedicated to my son, whose smile every morning gives me the reason to get up and strife to make the world a better place for him, and who, even when he didn’t understand, showed me and softly told me, ‘mummy, you can do it’.

A big thank you to God for all His love and cares through this journey, and for showing me that through it all, Him and I are tight and I’m forever His girl.

Thanks to all who contributed in making this project a success.

Special thanks to my supervisor, her guidance and support is/was invaluable, my Course Director and the administrator, the men who knew where everything was, thank you for being there.

Thank you to all my families, i.e. New Hope Church Int’l, T & D and my ‘gals’, especially Winn who did all the critical bit, words cannot express my gratitude.

I acknowledge all the men in my life
Master, thank you for being the adult in my absence. No more junk food from now on.
Big guys, sorry for all the calls I missed or never made; you can have your sister back.
My Pastors, thank you for your continued prayers. The prayers never went to voicemails or held in queues, they went to heaven express.
Boss, you are the best I could ever ask for.
Friend, you inspired the start of this journey, thank you for being there through it all.
Stalker, for all the e-tissues and the tele-stalking, especially at night to check my progress, for being the ‘devil’s advocate’, technical support, and your ‘can you do this?’ lectures, priceless.

It was mother’s day on 3th April and again on 8th May, but I forgot all about it. And I’m therefore adding this bit of acknowleding.
Mum, you never had the chance to attend any of my graduations, but the seeds you sowed in me have surely come to harvesting. Thank you for all your hard work and the wise words, and most of all, thank you for all your unselfishness.

A big thank you to my e-friends, when I was down, you came down to my level and showed me I could wipe the dirt and slowly get up and going.

Thank you all.

I'm so McBovvered now

2011-04-21T11:34:00.004+01:00

I’m meant to be finalising my paper. I’ve been off work for the last few weeks and will be for another 3 weeks. My phones have been off/on silent, and I’ve not even bothered with the door bell. This is not very helpful to my friends and family, especially those who have branded me ‘a walking A-Z’ and ‘talking pages. Missing me, they say, but am I bovvered right now, do I sound bovvered? No, even Catherine Tate agrees with me.

But I am starting to get McBothered now coz they are now calling my son’s phone, and the land line has been doing my heading. I’m considering leaving town and locking myself in my library, the only problem – 24hr service has been suspended until after May Bank Holiday.

Can these people go for Bank Holiday as well?

See you after my paper is well handed.

I've moved to a new neighbourhood

2011-03-21T13:09:00.017Z

I got a forwarding which made me think of my situation. I think I've over-extended my temporary visa and it's time to upgrade to a permanent one. I've often complained to God how 'my' situations and storms are big and complicated and in all I forget to address the situations and storms (they are not mine any more, I refuse them) by telling them how big and understanding my God is.

I reviewed my drive recently, and the findings were shocking. Many times I ask God to lead me, but in actual sense I drive myself. I miss junctions on motorways, I go beyond/below the speed limit and get penalties, I forget the road works, yet in all I'm too quick to ask God 'where were You in all these'. I search 'my location' in my GPS, often forgetting that He is the GPS.

Before I start something else, here is the forwarding...

"Can't remember if I told you that:

I have moved out from Beggars Alley, located at 2 Poverty Lane at the corner of Down and Out Circle. As of today, I have a brand new home.

My new address is Living Well on 231 Abundance Terrace, located at the corner of Blessings Drive and Prosperity Peak . It's in the God Can neighborhood. I will no longer allow myself to travel to the other side of town on Begging Peter to Pay Paul Route, located at a dead end intersection called I Don't Have, which connects with Borrowers Junction! .

I no longer hang out at Failure's Place, near Excuses Avenue , next to
procrastination Point. I've moved to an upscale community called Higher Heights with unlimited potential and opportunities for my success. I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me!

Life is good because God is good!

Care to change your address?

There are many vacancies!

GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS OH LORD!

I AM WELL BLESSED AND SO ARE YOU!!!!!!"

I have therefore decided to claim one of the mansions next to the forwardee. There are still more vacancies, and they are yours for the claiming. Hope to see you in my new neighbourhood, soon.

Did you know that if you drive over 70mph and below 93mph on the motorway if caught it's a traffic offence? Beyond 93mph is a criminal offence.

Dear Lord

2011-03-18T16:20:00.003Z

Thank you for this day, and for being by my side. In you, I see, feel and find hope.

Thank you for all my family including master Maua, my stalker, my blogren and e-friends. Strengthen our ties as we seek you more and more. Avail Yourself in our needs according to Your riches in glory.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

Describing my stalking playboy.

2011-02-21T22:22:00.007Z

I have been in a relationship since Aug last year which has caused me so much pain. I am not sure whether I am in love or just infatuated, but I have gotten to the point of when he says jump, I ask how high. We live an hour away, and we are more in a long distance relationship, phone only. I write emails, send texts, but he says he finds it easier to just call. He's my friend on Face book, no, Facebook stranger. He follows me all the way, no comments. Zero foot prints.

He’s a Kenyan, he's my age, and has 2 children in a previous relationship, exactly the way I like them now. I feel like he’s using his children and work as an excuse to escape some things. He spends one weekend, Fri to Sun, and a whole Saturday a month with the kids. I have a son too, and due to my past experience, I respect families and therefore refrain myself from any contact with him during this time. I believe it’s his time with his children. His childrens' mother got married 1 month before we met after having separated for 5 years. I was a perfect catch for a rebound.

He has an IT company, servicing and maintaining business computer servers, and at times when these businesses have issues, he is required to attend to them even on weekends (so I've been made to believe). His contract with many of them requires him to be on-call. Most times he’s working from home, but his time is ‘fully engaged’.

I'm a QT kinda girl. I don't want flowers, chocolate, and words have lost meaning since August. I want him with me as often as I can. But sometimes I don’t see him for up to 2-3 weeks. When he’s with me, he makes me feel so special I forget all the hurt he causes. We talk 1-2 times a day, and there will be times we’ll not talk for up to 2 days. He was too busy to see me weekend before Xmas as he was travelling to Kenya for 3 weeks. In my calendar, my days have halted on 13th Feb coz I'm still waiting for dear Valentine. He's still on the motorway driving to me.

I used to just turn up at his doorstep in the hope of proving something, but I’m tired of the games. The annoying thing is when he doesn’t answer his phone, especially Saturdays when we are supposed to meet. I have a feeling I'm not the only one in his life, but talk of silence treatment, I've been injected with this silent, secret drug that has no name whose side effect is the need and desire of him being with me or talking to me.

On the other hand, he is full of knowledge, and when we see/talk, there is nothing we can not talk about. When he’s 'present', he’s a brother, lover, teacher, sister, friend, confidant and many more, all wrapped up in him. He has a wicked sense of humour, and he’s the sort of guy you won’t feel a thing taking to your parents.

I know this relationship is terminally ill, I want to kill it. The question is not how but when? Many a times I plan in my head how I’ll keep off him, but I’m too weak in the evenings after my son has gone to bed, when I need to talk to someone ‘who understands me’, or when I’m alone and playing scrabble alone in the dark.

I am in the last phase of writing my thesis, and since Oct last year, this relationship has caused too much damage in my studies. We broke off in Nov for about 3 weeks, and I thought it’d be easy to get over him as I busied myself in my studies. Pure lies, it caused so much hurt and tears I had to request for more time in my submission from Jan to May. When we got back together, I thought things would be ok, but I am in a worse situation than before. I feel so rejected and insecure, and the need to proof myself to him despite the fact that I’m also trying to delete him in my life completely. I'm normally a very strong person who can easily walk away and not look back, but not with this one. I'm totally eddied around him. Love, not sure.

I want out, but right now, getting off will cause more damage than staying in. I have a deadline to hand in my project, but how do I stay in this till then and still deliver a good piece of work?

I know I'm not a kid, and I shouldn't be played. And I know I should get off him like now, but somethings are easier said than done.

This is my favourite, coutesy of my stalker playboy. When he whispers those words, who wouldn't be fooled. Complete contraction.

Rescue Team Needed

2011-02-19T23:28:00.006Z

Why is life so unfair?

I need to finish my dissertation. I need support to hand this on time not a will power to end a terminally ill affair. Surely, how can one love he who does not show back? Not even sure of his caring. How did I agree to in back and climb this high?

If I end this now, I'll not make my deadline in ten weeks time. If I go on like this, I might crack and hurt myself. I'm on an cliff. I need someone to gently let me down, a rescue team, or I'll jump, and the end results, looser on both ends.

God, give me some strength using my blogthren....

2011 Favours

2011-01-03T11:36:00.006Z

Stalker II is playing hard to get, and I'm thinking if I'll be replacing him this year. He's misbehaved in the last year, and maybe that is a reason for having ditched blogger for a while. This morning he just refused to be turned on, and being a new year, I'll use Handy instead. Handy is easy, I take him everywhere, he sings for/to me, shoots my photos, and he even lets me make calls.
Anyway, I'm using Handy to write my first 2011 post. Stalker II edits easily, with Handy I just have to handle him with care. So, if there are any typos, blame me not.

Handy let me read the bible on new year's day, and John 4 became a revelation, esp vs 35-38. I'm so comforted that there are things in my life that I don't have to sweat for coz others have laboured and all I have to do is reap. 2011, I am claiming God's favour in my life, and I wish all of you a share in this. Go get your blessings.

I start by claiming a Stalker III. I need one I can handle. XP was easier than Windows 7.

60 Seconds with Maua

2010-12-06T21:30:00.010Z

For the journalists out there, if you had a 60 second interview with Maua,this is how I'd imagine it to be.

1. What did you want to be when you were growing up? Air Hostess until I heard an air hostess refer herself as a plane makanga, then Effie Owuor inspired me into Law but I didn't get into Athens School of Law, I was not good enough in Greek, I sat for the entrance exam 3 times, failed, sat for it in English, passed, but.... gave up. Not lost hope yet, still hoping to do a CPE in my old age.

2. What’s the best piece of advice you have ever been given? Go after what you believe in. Often easier said than done, but when done, gives me so much satisfaction.

3. What’s the best piece of advice you ever gave? Study what you most enjoy, the benefits are priceless.

4. What do you most enjoy about your job? Which one? I’m a jack of 5 trades, and every one has it’s high. Co-ordinating whatever function from scratch, be it a photo-session, video shooting, wedding, doctors' theatre diaries or training MH is my joy.

5. Who would you most like to have dinner with? Churchill. I'm sure I'd forget my dinner as I try to tap and enjoy his humour.

6. What has been your most embarrassing moment? When my ex and I played a game where we pretended not to know each other, and he just picked a full tube on a Sunday evening. I was trying to get his attention on something, and as I talked and talked he just looked at me like I was a nut case with about 20 people watching/listening.

7. Who is the most important person in your life? My son. He means the world to me. In him, there are so many reasons to be a better me.

8. What's your worst regret in life? Falling and staying in love with someone who didn't give a f.\;'## about me. I still do love him regardless of how I try to delete him in my life.

9. Who is your role model? My mum, the most loving, selfless, beautiful and clever being I've ever met.

10. If you could be one person for a day, who would that be? Kenya's Health Secretary (Minister). I’d love to know how he sleeps at night after knowing people are dying every day from illnesses that can be prevented, but people are too malfunctioned due to economic strains caused by the top WHOS.

3toc, Joy, Bomseh, KK, Shiko and PKW this is the moment of truth. Tag 5-6 more, and let them know.

It is not good for man to be alone

2010-11-30T23:13:00.004Z

Genesis 2:18, God said, ‘..it is not good for man to be alone’.

But baby, if you don't find me worth, if you don’t protect me, if you can’t bring the best of me, if you hurt and make me cry, if you don't want me around you, then, regardless if how much I love you, and believe me when I say I love you, I think it's best for you to be alone.

Snow everywhere.

2010-11-30T10:20:00.001Z

Snow everywhere, by now they should know how to manage the crisis.

I got to work ok, sonny went to school, but how will we go home if this continues

Psalms 23:4

2010-11-28T00:49:00.003Z

Psalms 23:4 '...walk through the valley of the shadow of death..... Devil, I'm walking through, passing, transit not staying. So don't even dare to offer me a permanent residence. I'm making no application coz God's grace is sufficient. I'm pretty sure you can't afford me, for I'm too expensively bought with the precious blood of Jesus. So, go to hell.

Pieces

2010-11-18T18:15:00.004Z

When I gave you my heart, it was whole, and I was somebody. Why is it in pieces, making me feel like a nobody?

You introduced me to Kenny Lattimore and Chante Moore, and they made so much sense when they taught me things that lovers do. I believed everything they said.

Why do you make them look so bad?

The most beautiful woman

2010-07-25T19:06:00.003+01:00

My son and his cousin were having a conversation on what they dis/like about their mothers. My niece says 'the thing I like about my mum is, she makes me laugh, she's a good cook etc, and she's the most beautiful woman in the world'.

My son jumps in and, 'second'.

We looked at each other, 'what'.

My mum is the most beautiful woman, yours is the second.

What more can I say?

Leadership

2009-12-16T23:41:00.002Z

'The price of leadership', hitting bad.

Wheelchair Vs Pushchair

2009-12-07T17:54:00.002Z

I use London buses every now and again, and today I learnt something new. A normal London bus has space for 1 wheel chair, and 2-3 baby pushchairs depending on size.

So, this afternoon I'm in a bus, and this mother boards the bus with a cute baby who was fast asleep. A few bustops later, a lady on a wheelchair stops the bus. The bus driver yells for the lady with the baby to either get out of the bus or fold her pushchair. We all started talking to each other at the same time, more like 'is that right?, can u believe that? The woman stood her ground and said NO. The bus driver switched of the bus engine and demanded she gets out of the bus to give room for the wheelchair user. She said No.

We stuck there for a good 7-10 minutes and another bus came. The wheelchair user boarded it.

We were all left wondering whether some people are more equal than others. When I got home, I was so upset with the driver that I had to get an explanation, and guess what I found this from a bus operator website:

There are specific legal requirements placed on bus operators regarding the carriage of wheelchairs. The law requires all new buses (since 1999) to be wheelchair accessible, and lays down precise details of the dimensions and features of bus construction to allow wheelchairs, up to a certain size to be carried on buses.

There is no legal requirement regarding buses providing for the carriage of prams, buggies, or any “baby or toddler transport device”.

The primary reason for there being a wheelchair space on buses is to allow wheelchair users to travel on the bus.

Our policy can be summarised as –

wheelchairs have priority;
if the wheelchair space is not required for a wheelchair, anything/one else can occupy the space; but only on the understanding that they vacate the space if it is subsequently required for a wheelchair.

This means that whatever is occupying the wheelchair space, be it standing passengers, passengers sitting on the “tip-up” seats located in the wheelchair space, suitcases, bulky luggage or any baby or toddler transport device (buggy/pushchair) etc, has to be moved out of the wheelchair space to make way for a wheelchair if a wheelchair user subsequently wishes to board. Thus whatever is in the wheelchair space has to be capable of being moved (and safely stored in the luggage rack or elsewhere) when required.

This policy has been in place unchanged since the advent of wheelchair accessible buses some 9 years ago and all wheelchair accessible buses display 3 signs shown below which clearly state the requirements.

But to wake a sleeping baby, seriously whoever set this policy has no children.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the disabled, but an innocent child....

I ate my school fees

2009-12-06T02:08:00.003Z

A long time ago, I yearned for a place in the world of successful professionals. My dear mum reminded me that to get there I had to study hard. She reminded me that she'd do anything to make sure I had the best education there was, but only if I was willing. Willing I was, but life threw it's lemons at me, and instead of making lemonade, I ran after oranges which I never seemed to get.

Now I'm a mother myself, and I keep telling my son to study hard, the only difference is that when he's doing his homework, I'm also doing mine. I'm paying bitterly for all the fees I squandered.

I only hope he listens to me. I never listened to mine, instead I bought oranges with my fees. Now I'm the mother, the father, the student, the friend, the everything. Mother and friend I've no problems with, but the father and student and a bit of everything, a few more months, and I might just get parole.

God the Artist

2009-10-23T02:15:00.005+01:00

2 summers ago, my son and I were travelling from Edinburgh to London by air. It was the first week of August, but Scotland being Scotland, the weather was horrible. It was cloudy, wet and the temperatures were so low. (I had forgotten to pack jackets. It was summer).

As we checked into the airport, we were so cold and couldn't wait to board the plane. I was so longing for a hot cuppa, but remembered it was EasyJet. I had to wait for long not to mention that I had to buy from the crew.

We took off from the airport, and as we got into the skies, above the clouds, the temperatures changed and we could see the sun setting. The sight was really beautiful, and romantic too. Its like there was a layer separating the cold, cloudy, wet grounds and the romantic, yellow orangish sun setting on the horizon. Edinburgh disappeared completely. No sight of it at all. This really muffled my son. He asked me so many questions i.e. how, why etc. I asked him what he thought of the whole experience, and all He could come up with was, 'God is a real artist'. The answer surprised me, but took me to the bible - Genesis.

When I read Genesis, it gets me thinking. God is such a genius, a designer, not to mention being an artist. First time ever, and He created things so perfect.

He must be really beautiful, coz when I think of Him making man in His image, I look at man and think, 'how did He know of where to place everything'. Then He designed the wo-man, to suit the man. Man, I'm beautiful.

When one Kenyan man married another

2009-10-20T23:28:00.003+01:00

Chege Kairitu has finally said 'I do' to his/her one love Mr Ngengi.

I know many will follow suit, this could be a breakthru for many, but may cause many parents heart conditions.

No excuse

2009-10-17T02:33:00.003+01:00

No excuse at all for being away, but I'm still looking for him, plus my dissertation is up and coming.

Where are all those people who work or ever worked as temps. I'm thinking of your motivation or psychological contracts.

Polygamy, not for me.....

2009-09-29T22:07:00.000+01:00

like this family

Foreign paedophiles in Kenya

2009-09-25T18:18:00.005+01:00

What I can't do in my homeland, I can do out there and get away with it. This includes big men sleeping with underage children. This video made me so angry I've no words.

Kenya, we need to wake up.

I want to marry my son

2009-09-15T23:26:00.001+01:00

Incest to the maximum.

A Zimbabwean woman and her son have done the unthinkable – they have fallen in love with one another. And now they want to marry since the mom, Betty Mbereko from Mwenezi in Masvingo, is six months pregnant and expecting her son’s child. Mbereko (40), who was widowed 12 years ago, has been cohabiting with her first child, Farai Mbereko (23). She confirms that she is six months pregnant and that she has decided it is better to “marry” her son because she does not want to marry her late husband’s young brothers, whom she says are coveting her. Betty stunned a village court last week when she said the affair with her son had begun three years earlier. She said after spending a lot of money sending Farai to school following the death of her husband, she felt she had a right to his money and no other woman was entitled to it. “Look, I strove alone to send my son to school and no one helped me. Now you see that my son is working and you accuse me of doing something wrong. “Let me enjoy the products of my sweat,” she told the village court. Farai said he was more than prepared to marry his mother and would pay off the ilobola balance his father had left unpaid to his grandparents. “I know my father died before he finished paying the bride price and I am prepared to pay it off,” he said. “It is better to publicise what is happening because people should know that I am the one who made my mother pregnant. Otherwise they will accuse her of promiscuity.” But local headman Nathan Muputirwa says: “We cannot allow this to happen in our village, mashura chaiwo aya, (This is a bad omen indeed). In the past they would have to be killed but today we cannot do it because we are afraid of the police.” He warned them to break off their marriage or leave his village. They chose the latter and have left the village for an unknown destination. – (Source - The Weekend Tribune.)

Left with me, I will shoot her, kill her and tell God, 'I killed her'.

The Thames Festival 2009

2009-09-14T23:21:00.013+01:00

Why is it that people who snore sleep before everyone else?
And why do tall people arrive early in church, meetings etc, sitting at the front and therefore blocking the view? My Five three height makes a victim of such people, all the time.

Imagine my disappointment (yet again) when I attended the Thames Festival 2009 and neither my son or I had a clear view. These tall guys came from nowhere and just squeezed themselves in, then carried their children on their shoulders. Heavy as my son may be (13 yrs), I carried him on my back, and these were the photos he took, the rest became history shortly after.

In the evening, the carnival was good. I’d recommend it as opposed to the Notting hill carnival, more peaceful and kid friendly. I feel like I never missed anything in August. Plus yesterday came with a bonus – Diversity, the finalists of Britain's got talent. I was with 3 other mothers and a dad, and between us we had 9 children. We left the Festival at around 9pm, just before the fireworks went off at the Thames South Bank. The looks on the kids faces - Priceless, even Mastercard can't pay.

Who is Jesus?

2009-08-06T18:48:00.005+01:00

If you had the honour of introducing Jesus, the King of Kings to an audience, exactly how would you do it.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you This is classic.

Routine Random Police Checks

2009-08-04T23:10:00.010+01:00

My 1st car was a BMW which my then boyfriend and I drove to Munich from Athens to go buy. It was an old car, maybe 4-5yrs old, a 320, a 1988 model. I loved my car, but it was short lived coz a few weeks later, it crashed and I packed it.

A few yrs ago my brother got a BMW 318 sports. It was newer than mine, and very beautiful. I was so proud of him.

5 yrs on, he doesn’t want it anymore. And what’s wrong with it? I've asked this question many times with no answer, until yesterday morning. I was with him in the car, and the ‘ old bill ’ followed him for quite a while, and then stopped him.

The usual questions, ‘have you got your DL? Yes. Do you own this car? Yes. For how long? 5 yrs. He hands his DL, and they are running a check on him, with no explanation why they stopped him. 15 minutes later, they say it is routine. (A black man riding a posh car.)

I don’t believe in racial discrimination, but, I think I’ll be shifting soon.

He told me he’s getting rid of the car coz for the last 5 yrs, he can not count how many times he’s been stopped, how much time he’s wasted, and how many times he’s been late for work coz of ROUTINE CHECKS.

I am not driving any posh car for a while.

Other issues
1. Why are London buses’ heaters always on in summer, and off in winter?

2. For 6 weeks since last week, I have a full time job. Cook, escort, driver, cleaner, teacher, social worker, name it. The sad thing is, it's unpaid, I can't resign, and I have to do it come rain come sunshine. I need to import myself house help.

Getting To Know You

2009-07-30T23:49:00.002+01:00

Copy all questions, write responses, and tag yourselves, blogger pals.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
-0815

2. How do you like your steak?
-Very Well done,

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
-17 Again

4. What is your favorite TV show?
-Holby city

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
-Politia, Greece.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
-Coffee and a peanut buttered toast

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
-Greek

8. What foods do you dislike?
-Kikuyu, all boiled stuff.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?
-If I can find Feta cheese and olive oil, there it’ll be.

10. Favorite dressing?
-I make my own, lemon and olive oil.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
-My car - TfL

12. What are your favorite clothes?
-Anything comfy

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
-If I hate content and it has no lesson for me, ½ empty.

15. Where would you want to retire?
-254 definitely

16. Favorite time of day?
-When I’m sleeping – I get to dream.

17. Where were you born?
-Greece

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
-It has to be Olympics

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
-Kenyanchick, she’s idle for now.

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
-mmhhhhhh

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
-KK, he’s crazie gud

22. Bird watcher?
-Is that a game or a hobby?

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
-I’m more sober when all are sleeping.

24. Do you have any pets?
-Fish. I have 10, Pat, Jr, JJ, TJ, Goldie, Silkie, Fishy, Smallie, Small, Poopy

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
-God is God, He doesn’t become Godder by the day. Regarless of how much you fast, pray, love Him, go to church. He still remains God, He was, He is, and He will be 'I AM' JEHOVA.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
-My aunt was a secretary, and my role model, and I so much wanted to be like her. I did secretarial/medical in a major Hospital in London, went to Kenya after a long time, visited KNH several times, and everytime kept thinking - Management Skills. Came back to UK and decided Health Management it is. Still pursuing.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
-When my mum said ‘turathie show’. I enjoyed every bit a 9 yr old would.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
-None of the above. Refer to #24

29. Are you married?
-Was, to the wrong one. I sent him to look for his wife, and I went looking for my other half. He found his, I'm still searching.

30. Always wear your seat belt?
-Always, in Kenya everyone thinks I’m nuts. Law in UK, unless you have £50 to spare the cops.

31. Been in a car accident?
-Never.

32. Any pet peeves?
-What????

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
-Bacon and chicken.

34. Favorite Flower?
-I’m not flowerly.

35. Favorite ice cream?
-Magnum. When I was pregnant I caused a fight with my Ex hubby when he ate one of my freezer stocked white chox. I didn’t talk to him for a week.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
-Pizza hut

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
-Twice. 1st I forgot to indicate at a roundabout, 2nd I did a 7, or was it 9 point turn.

38. From whom did you get your last email?
-NHS jobs, ‘you’ve not been shortlisted’.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
-Littlewoods catalogue. They store everything one book.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
-I’m thinking.

41. Like your job?
-I love my weekend job – shooting fotos at weddings.

42. Broccoli?
-The most healthy green I know.

43. What was your favorite vacation?
-Zakinthos island. Beautiful.

44. Last person(s) you went out to dinner with?
-My gal friends, all 7 of us – 2 weekends ago.

45. What are you listening to right now?
-Kenny G - Even if my heart would break

46. What is your favorite color?
-Mauve, it’s sexy.

47. How many tattoos do you have?
-Nil.

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
-Please tag yourselves, prettylyf said, hahahah.

49. What time did you finish this quiz?
-2343hrs

50. Coffee Drinker?
-I love my coffee, strong, creamy, 2 sugars please. I don't do instant.

Am I an alcoholic?????????????

2009-07-13T22:45:00.005+01:00

I love my Smirnoff Ice - Black. It's the only drink that gives me no hangovers, but, I take like 2-3 in a week or two. So you can imagine my shock when my son told my brother to talk to me coz I'm becoming an alcoholic. Let me back up a bit.

A few months ago, a friend of mine phoned me to say he was very near my house, and if he could pass by. I said 'why not'. He works for a big Off Licence that also distributes alcoholic drinks. He happened to have a few SI –black in the car, and coz he knows I like them, he brought a case of 24.

I had a few that evening, a few like 3.

This was a time when I was writing a paper, and every evening after we had dinner I'd retire to my bedroom, with my laptop and a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, and sometimes I'd have 2 bottles. This went on for a few weeks. I didn't know my son was keeping records.

About six weeks later, my friend came again, and did the same. This time my son didn't keep quiet. He confronted me. 'Mum, you know you are drinking too much'. I was shocked.

We had a talk, and I reassured him. I thought all was gone.

Last Friday my new reap, Shujj brought me a big bottle of Smirnoff Ice.

On Saturday evening, about 10 pm I came from shooting a wedding, and my feet hurt. I was really knackered. I took a bath, then my blankie and just lay on the settee, sipping my chilled drink. About an hour later, as I was drifting off to sleep, my phone rung. It was my brother. He was at the door. I opened, and then immediately after, my son got out of bed. His eyes were red. He had been on the phone to my brother in tears, convincing him that I was drinking, again.

‘I think my mum has become an alcoholic’, I can just imagine him telling his friends and teachers. I think one of these days I’ll actually get drunk and he’ll see me drunk. He’s never seen me drunk, not in his life time.

Will be back soon

2009-07-08T11:07:00.001+01:00

Still going well. I'm revenging on all the years. I'd forgotten how it felt like to be 'adored'.

I pray I'll find time soon to post something. I miss you all.

My internet is still not very sawa, and these days I hadly find my ways to the library and hotel parkings. To be honest, I don't even drive any more. He does.

Reaping where I didn't labour

2009-06-04T16:13:00.002+01:00

I listened to a preaching from John 4 about the Samaritan woman, and vs. 38 caught my attention. I was very keen when the man of God said, ‘some of you labour so much, yet it has been commanded you go out and reap where you did not labour’. In my interpretation, my relationships have been crap because it’s never the right one. 4-8 months in the relationship you realise the person is not right, yet you feel you have put so much labour. I’d imagine there are people who labour for years and years, and finally when they leave each other, they have both changed so much in the way they see each other. A good example would be a man who keeps forgetting birthdays. After years of the woman mourning and constantly reminding him, he finally gets the hang of it such that he would never forget the next woman’s birthdays.

This weekend I’m off on a date, a blind one. I’ve not met him yet, but we’ve been talking for the last 2 weeks. He sounds nice; I’m hoping it turns out worth my while as I look forth to reaping another woman’s labour (wishful). Wish me luck.

Wilderness

2009-05-26T13:17:00.013+01:00

Farmgal refered to a sermon she listened to and I thought maybe all the pastors had received the same word and delivered it a bit different. My pastor has been teaching on the Wilderness and the Wilderness Experience, and it has really gotten me thinking. The teaching comes from here and here

After Jesus was baptised, the Spirit of God came down, heaven opened and a voice said ‘this is my beloved son……’. Then Jesus was led to the wilderness.

What is a wilderness?

A place of
1. isolation
2. dryness
3. emptiness
4. lack
5. burreness

We try so many things but we remain empty. We get frustrated as we try. We bear no fruits. We seem not to enjoy life. We live by the day and we feel alone. Believing becomes hard, commitment is non existent and we lack direction and motivation. When Jesus was in the garden of Gethsemane, He felt like quitting, but He told God to do His will.

But nothing just happens without a reason. When we are pressured in life, or when burdened, God wants to bring out something in us.

We go thru the wilderness because

1. God wants to purify us. We often sin and disobey God, but when we are faced with difficulties, we turn to God and repent.

2. satan wants to test God’s word in us ‘if you are the son of God’…, but God had already confirmed ‘this is my beloved son….’. Confusion comes and you've no idea what to believe. Always remember, before childbirth there are labour pains, but they do not last forever, and when a child is born, you remember the pains no more, just like the tests. So don't be confused by what the devil tries to preach to you.

3. God wants to empty you of yourself. God wants to teach you to rely on Him as we often think we can do without Him. .

4. God wants you to listen to His voice. You have to mature spiritually. You have to differentiate the trials and temptations, whether they are from the enemy or it’s God trying to teach you something. Later on, you can pick the lessons you learnt from the experience.

The enemy looks for those moments when you are weak and vulnerable (Jesus was hungry after fasting for 40 days). ....‘turn these stones to bread…..’ watch out your weaknesses, coz satan will target them and use them to his advantage while you are confused and in unbelief. ‘throw yourself down ….angels will catch you’, you test God unnecessarily. Lack and loneliness cause one to compromise.

So next time you are in the wilderness, learn from the experience, listen carefully coz God could be telling you something. Remember that satan had to get God's permission first before testing Job.

For the last 6 months God has really taught me to be humble, and to rely on Him in everything I do. I have (like Cheri once said) come from 'bank to grass', except mine's not bank, but grass I've hit. The light in the tunnel can be seen from a distant, coz He's faithful, He'll never leave or forsake us. But for us to grow or for God to use us effectively, the wilderness is inevitable.

Kenyans in London know how to do their thing.

2009-05-23T22:55:00.011+01:00

It was a lovely day, hata the weather behaved itself. In my almost 20 yrs in UK, I've never been to a Rugby Match, lakini nilipenda. Below is the pure proof I was there, and I give God all the glory, coz I enjoyed myself.

The Kenyan team.... mmmmhhhhwa. First match Kenya beat Scotland I think 17-12. Second match Kenya beat USA 33-0, but they lost to Fiji 24-5.

The support was really kwa wingi. Kenyans came from all over, I reckon there were over 2500 kenyans, and the good thing is, they were all seated together. People said that the stadium was so quiet except when Kenya was playing. Kenyans were the only united supporters. Before beating USA, the slogan went 'Yes We Can', courtesy of Virgin Atlantic, the sponsors. After the match 'Yes we did' was sung until USA knew they were beaten.

Let the spirit live on, for next year, I'll be there too.

Twickenham Stadium South Wing was all Kenyan

And they all came

Kenyans

France Vs England

'Yes we can' support.

The Kenyan Team

The Kenyan spirit

The Kenyan Team

Parents Evening

2009-05-22T19:37:00.002+01:00

I’ve been trying to get an appointment with my son’s teachers for a while as I’m concerned about his progress in school, but…..I’ve phoned the school and left messages with the receptionists who always promise that I’ll get a call back, but……

My son has always been good in maths, science, and any subject that does not need much reading. He hates reading, which is the opposite of his mother. But of late, all I hear is 'I hate Maths'. He never seems to have any homework.

Then, there are these drums lessons he takes, which I have to pay for. Last term I asked him what time he goes for drums and it turns out it’s during class time. The lessons are 35 minutes which take up 15 minutes of his play time and 20 minutes of a Humanities lesson. I reckoned that if I’m paying for the drums, they should be taught after school. I talked to the Form Tutor about this, and we agreed they’d find a slot that does not conflict with his lessons, and if not I’d withdraw him from the drums completely. No slot was found, and no one told me, until the end of the term when I got a letter reminding me that I had not paid for drums.

Yesterday was Parent’s Evening. I saw almost all the teachers. Apart from Spanish and Humanities, my son is either on or above the expected level. Spanish I understand as it’s a new subject he picked up when he went to secondary school last year, and he seems to be making progress, but Humanities……… mmhh, it’s the damn drums.

I was talking to the Humanities teacher when I noticed my son had a chewing gum in his mouth. I told the principal to excuse me a second. I asked my son to remove the gum from his mouth and wrap it on a tissue which I handed to him, then we continued.

As soon as we finished with the Humanities teacher, who was very concerned, we went straight to the Form Tutor, who didn’t seem to understand my concerns, so we went to the Deputy Principal and poured all my worries. In the middle of our conversations, I noticed my son was chewing again, I flipped. Right there and then, I turned to him and made a whole scene.

‘I just told you to stop chewing’.
‘You know you shouldn’t chew in school’.
‘It’s rude to chew when talking to people, especially your teachers’.
‘Can you sit up when I’m talking you to you’?
‘Is that how you disrespect your teachers?’

The principal just looked at me. The parents with the other teachers near me looked at me. My son just sat there, not knowing what to do or say. We always have these kind of conversations at home, but he had never seen me react this way before. I had to do this, my way of embarrassing him so he never repeats this again. I’d hate to imagine him like some kids I see around. When I was in school, I’d have been punished for this, so, where or when did the line get broken?

‘I’m sorry mummy’, he kept saying.
‘I’ll deal with you when we get home’ and I got back to business.

‘It’d be good to have more of your kind, maybe the kids here would listen more’.
To cut the whole thing short, I’m withdrawing Master Maua from the drum lessons, and I’ve registered him else where for two hours a week after school for the same amount. He’s grounded (no playing games, just reading and finishing his pending home work) for a week coz of chewing gum and for not handing in his homework in time in almost all the subjects except Art and Spanish.

But the punishment starts tomorrow as he’s going with me to watch Kenya play rugby, the closest he gets to being close to Kenyans from Kenya as opposed to Kenyans from London or UK in general.

Hoping to see some of you guys. Farmgal, Superb Stallion, I'll look out for you.

Honest S/crap

2009-05-11T19:14:00.012+01:00

I don’t ’brag, so please, don’t make me.

I’m very grateful and honoured to have this award. I also wanna thank you (you know yourselves) for the messages, chats, and constantly reminding me that I’m missed in the blogsphere.

Shiko, Kei, Ngare and Joy all tagged or is it s/crapped me, That is a real 'honour'. Shiko and KK missed the flowerly maua smile (I’ll put a fresh one soon- as soon as I get broadband), thus the tagging to guarantee a comeback. Ngare misses the good stuff (which ones, please electrify and elaborate – Masanduku). Joy thinks I’m honestly quiet and tagging might make me yell (I’m yelling now). I hope to stay, this time.

I pray that I’m not late, like Kei, and if I am, I blame the cable in my new address. I hate BT, and Virgin Media has no broadband on my postcode (shame on you Mr Branson, this is pure discrimination). Believe it or not, I park outside a library or hotel to ‘tap’ wireless connections.

Ok, here are the listings.

1. I love the Lord with all my heart, soul and strength. I try to make my actions speak louder than my words. I believe that with Him all things are possible, even Mr Maua coming into my life. He reminds me that if I seek His Kingdom first, (not because He’ll reward me, but because He commands me) all the other things, He knows I need them, therefore He’ll give them to me when the right time comes.

2. I leave my phones on all the time, and I pick all my calls. All my close friends know that they can get me any time of the day. If you phone me late in the night, especially after I’ve dozed off, I’ll answer, and in my sleep I’ll ask if you are ok, and if we can talk in the morning. I know I always forget to phone back, but then again, the tone matters,

3. I am multi skilled. I pride myself in wedding planning and photography, but I only do this in summer. I’ve worked in health care service delivery most of my working life, yet my PG qualification has absolutely nothing to do with health service. I use my skills more in church and social events. I’m still studying, and still not making use of what I study. (Crazy ehhh).

4. I love my son so much. He is the reason for all seasons. I want the very best for him.

5. Kenyanchick and Modo inspired me into blogging. For about 2 months I toyed myself into commenting on their posts, and thru the comments, I staggered into PKW, and I had to comment. I had to open a g-mail account to comment, then a blog and the rest is history.

6. I can’t drive manual cars. If my car breaks down, my brothers laugh at me coz I can’t drive theirs, but they can drive mine. I’ve tried, but I just don’t get to gear 3.

7. I look 20 something in my 5.3 frame, pass for a school gal, sometimes I wish I look my age, like when I went to the Off Licence and they refused to serve me without an ID. Once I cut my hair very short and my son forbid, I repeat, forbid me to go to his school because I looked like a boy, and the next day he said that I’m the smallest adult he knows. When my son was a baby, the first time I took him to the health visitor she insisted on bringing the mother. In my son’s records, it showed the mother was 30 something, but this little thing with a buggy looked 15-6. I worked in hospitals (before the crunch), and when I see these big mamas with 3 kids then I look at their records….DOB …..1983, I think to myself, gal you’re old, ’83 you were in High school.

8. I smile a lot, smiles help me make friends. I’ve got a good dental pack, which reminds me I need to book an appointment to see 3TOC’s colleague. Smiles earn me friends, I make them very easily, but when an underage starts making passes, the smile vanishes like mad.

9. I hope to meet all bloggers in my blogroll, and many more. I think most of them are interesting people. I’ve recently found out that one blogger in my blogroll is an old friend/relative, who we communicate all the time.

10. I’m always late in submitting my assignments, and the truth is, I never understand the question until 3-4 days to the deadline. My tutors are forever cross with me.

Bonus
11. I'm a photographer, and although my son has loads of albums, I can count my photos. I never get any taken. EGM, how many photos do you have?

Given that I’ve come in late and many are tagged, Can I only do 3, please. Dear blogthren I give you pkw prettylyf EGM

the rules,guys, the rules.

1.You must brag about the award - Check

2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger - Check

3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on with the instructions!

If I've not done something right, it has to be coz I've not blogged for long, might take long to get used to again.

MOTHERS’ DAY.

2009-05-07T01:17:00.003+01:00

Last month was Mother's day in UK, and this Sunday, many countries, Kenya included, millions of people will honour their mothers. Please do so, if you have a mother.

I loved my mother very much, but the concept of Mothers’ day is something I picked up when I became a mother myself. I remember sending Mother’s day cards to my mum whenever I found them regardless of the season. I didn’t know about this special day until 12 yrs ago, but I always reminded my mum that I loved and honoured her.

People remember their mothers in various ways. I remember phoning my mum an hour after my son was born just to thank her for giving birth to me. Not that I didn’t appreciate her before, but after almost 10 hours of labour, I understood what she had gone through to have me and my 2 brothers. My baby was so special, and it wasn’t until then that I appreciated mum telling me how special I was.

My brother had walked into the labour ward 10 minutes after my son was born, and seeing how tiny and delicate my baby looked, and maybe how much love and care he’d need, he thought of his own mum, how she had looked after him. He phoned her. We all have different reasons of honouring mothers.

I celebrated mother’s day with my mum present only once. Ever. I made her a special meal, bought her favourite drink and I got her flowers. In the morning I had remembered to make her a full English breakfast. I had bought a MUM ring which I presented to her after the meal. In the evening, we both drove to her mum’s where she honoured her mother in the same way for the first time. It was a special day for the two of them.

She passed away a month later.

I thank God all the time for that one Mother’s day, and for that one month plus that I spent with her. I guess those few days were the best time she had had in a long time as a mother with her daughter.

Immediately after ‘A’ levels, before the results were out, I left home to study abroad, initially for 3 yrs. After 3 yrs, I’d not even finished my first year in Uni, and when I went home to renew my student’s visa, the country had changed so much. During this short stay (10 weeks), it dawned on me that I felt more in-touch with myself in Europe than Kenya. At first it was the freedom of doing whatever I wanted, then came the fact that after 3 yrs away, my former classmates were in their last year in Uni, and I was just beginning. I knew it’d be a struggle coz of language barriers(I was in a non English speaking country), but I had started, and I wasn’t about to quit. There was also the pride of being in Europe. Irrelevant as it may seem, I lost the valuable opportunity of spending time with my mother.

I went back after 12 yrs when I learnt my mother was seriously ill. She had visited us once. In short, for 12 yrs, I’d spent only 3 weeks with her.

I miss her dearly. Everyone’s mother is the best thing close to love that one can ever know. Mine was/is the best thing I've ever known. There is no single day that passes by that I don’t think of her. I think of so many things, her wisdom, her jokes, and above all, I think of her unconditional unselfish love. She gave her best in her own way, not expecting anything in return, and she never complained. As children, we fell and hurt ourselves but she always had enough bandages to nurse, not only the physical wounds, but the heart aches as well. When she visited us in UK, in the middle of the night when she woke up to use the bathroom, she’d come to my room to tuck me, just like she did when I was little. To her, I was her baby, not a 20 something going on 30 yr old grown woman. I can still hear her calling me ‘Mummy, Baby, Kairitu or Mahua witu’.

My son wonders how on earth she let me leave home to study abroad before I even turned 20. To be honest, if I was to do it to my son today, I’d really feel guilty, very guilty. But this is 2009. In the 80s, the best education was in Europe, and that is what she wanted for her children.

When I was a very small girl, my brother and I used to fight constantly, and if my brother was on the wrong, she’d say ‘We tigana na kairitu gakwa. Onakangigakorwo England, kaigwe ndina thina, gakahaica ndege goke ihenya’. ( Leave my babygirl alone, she’s like my insurance. Wherever she’ll be, England or where, if I ever need her she’ll take the first flight and come to me). And this was like a prophecy, coz when she got very ill, I left my son behind and flew home to look after her until her last breath in my arms.

The first 10 yrs of my stay in Europe were tough. Life in Kenya was tough too. In as much as I’d have loved to help out, send her money every week or every month, I couldn’t. I probably visited my local Forex Bureau once every 3-6months. I know she understood. But today, when I walk past the same Forex Bureau and see people queuing to see those Somalis, to send money home, I think of how I’d have loved to send her more money. I think of how I’d have done without that night out where I’d spent £20-30, or how I’d postpone my calls to her coz I was ‘busy’. I think of that £100 I saved last month, but can’t send it to her coz she’s no more.

I can’t express how much I miss her. I regret not having spent enough time with her in the name of education and ££££££££££. My son never got to meet her, and that makes me so angry coz I kept postponing our visit home. Today, there’s no one to visit, except distant relatives.

I always wonder if I’d go home more often if she was alive, if I’d make those phone calls more often if she was on the other end? Had she been alive, would my son go to her during the school holidays like I always did to my grandmother’s?

If your mum is alive, stop wondering and pick up the phone and tell her how much you love her, get into that car, buy your travel ticket, and go see her now, coz there will be a day when she’ll be no more, and like me, you’ll look up to other women of her age to honour them in a season like this.

This Mother’s day, I’ll remember and miss my mum so much, but I’ll remember to give honour where it’s due, and honour the 2 women that I go to often, the 2 women who never tire in giving me advice, the two women who I cry out to when I need a mother. The two women who my son has learnt to call Gogo and Cucu for a long time, Mary S(Gugu)and Lucy W(Cucu).

I love you both. And I'm proud to call you 'Mathe'.

Pls explain this.

2009-03-24T18:51:00.001Z

Explain this:

Open a new Word document and type exactly as follows (even with the coma) :

=rand (200,99)

Then press ENTER.

Wait for a second and look again.............

Similar Syndromes

2009-03-13T02:18:00.008Z

I came across this forwarding, and I thought its a relative of this. How funny, we all suffer from similar syndromes.

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as
NBA 5.0,
NFL 3.0
Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme..html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and
cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

Other Arising Matters.

I've not fully made a comeback, a few changes going in my life, but soon. I keep promising myself that I'll come back. I miss you guys, but this is more of an emergency, and if not treated now, and with care, it might have a huge impact in my life at some point. Needless to say, I'm about to say 'bye bye London, and Stevenage, here I come', better still, Africa is calling. I'm assessing whether the greener pastures in Africa are just seasonal mauas ama I should make a move.

I'm also on the last 'leg' of writing my dissertation, and time is not on my side. These things combined put me in a situation I wouldn't wish my best enemy.

I've tried to keep up with you, but I'm oftenly finding myself in Europes most uncivilised where wireless networks are not supported. I feel like I'm back in Kiambu some 20 something yrs ago, but again, there are some merits accompanying the uncivilisation. I'm hopeful for a Blackberry anytime now, but before then, pls forgive me.

When Snow brought UK to a halt

2009-02-02T10:27:00.006Z

Heavy snows in the country last night and the whole place comes to a stand still.
• The airport's 2 runaways have been shut down, and all departures affected
• Train services have been canceled/delayed
• Bus service was suspended until further notice.
• Euro-star cancelled all services and offered rebooks for 60 days

Being a developed country which has experienced this weathers for thousands of years, one expects they would have learnt to deal with them. But today alone will cost the country millions of ££££

Let's get to work.

2009-01-22T01:27:00.006Z

Jacket off, and get to work. Lets read the predecessors letter first as we ask the secetary to hold all the call this morning.

As is traditional,outgoing US president George W Bush left a note for his successor in the top drawer of his desk in the Oval Office. The white house obviously doesnt reveal the exact details of the letter to Barack Obama, but alot of you out there would like to think it went something like this...

Dear Barry,

First and foremosting, i would like to congratulatise you on getting the job. It will be great to have someone come in and bring a finished completion to all the work i did. I have to warn you,though, being president isnt all laughs. There are a lot of boring speeches to sit through.

But i think you will make a great commander-in-chife. You've got what I've got - charismaticism. And that goes a long way. I also dig the way you got all those famous people on your side - they didnt take much to me. But i like that Jon Bon Jovi who sang a few days before your augmentation - he's a good guy.

My daddy once told me : 'eat your vegetables, George Jnr.' And he was right. Well,now it;s my turn to give some advisementary words. Don't let people misunderestimate you the way they misunderestimated me - I hope you don't misunderstanderate what I'm getting at there,Baz. I know I used a lot of big words in that sentence.

Being the president is a bit like grabbing a bull by it's horns - you gotta go up to that bull and grab its horns. In a metaphosphorical sense,of course. If you grab a real bull by the horns you won't be the president for too long. You should maybe write that down.

I've left you some pretzels on my desk and,before i forget,i've also left you a crisis in the Middle East and a bad economy - in London,Engerland, they're calling that a 'credit crunch'. Ain't that cute? sounds like a breakfast cereal to me,Baz. Next time you're in No 1,Downing street, tell Gordon Ramsay I said 'hi'.

So i guess that's all i got for ya,I know you'll be a super leader. They made a movie about me after eight years were up,so if they do the same with you I guess you'll know you've done a good job. Good luck,Baz!

Yours in the white house,

G doubleU B

Will be back soon

2009-01-17T13:23:00.002Z

2008 suck, especially the last month. I'll be back on blogsphere as soon as I'm able to wrestle again, hoping it'll be soon.

Keep me in your prayers.

My 1st blogger birthday was last week, any presents?

In the mean time, see Maua's column.

Incest in Europe

2008-11-27T23:46:00.002Z

Josef Fritzl, and the man from Sheffield should have been jailed in Kenya, such that if they ever got chances of ever writing books about their lives in crime like John Kiriamiti, and if human rights activists kept their noses off, I can assure you no man in the western world would ever commit such crimes.

For those who are still in hiding, your days are numbered.

Mum's School

2008-11-18T23:01:00.008Z

We watched Holby City this evening with my son. There was a scene where a new mother, Daisha thinks she can not cope and is thinking of giving her baby up for adoption. Another nurse, Faye is trying to reassure her that everything will be alright. Daisha thinks that Faye is a strong woman coz she's managed a nursing career and bringing up a son who has a disability. Faye says that Daisha will cope, coz she's now a mum and that is what mum's do.

My son looks at me and asks, 'did you go to a mum's school when you had me?'

'Why?' I asked.

'You just seem to know everything when I don't'.

I wonder what they would teach in those schools that nature doesn't prepare you for, not unless it's a teenage mum's school and more teen mum school.

Bush is no longer president

2008-11-17T19:33:00.001Z

I found this and thought of sharing. Not that I'm a fun of American politics, but it's funny.

One sunny day in late January, 2009 an old man approached the White House from Across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.'

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."

Bridge over troubled waters

2008-11-15T23:47:00.005Z

I first heard it on X Factor this evening, sung by Danny Evans before he was voted out, and the words just captivated me.

I googled in search of the lyrics, and I was surprised to see how many people have actually sung it from the late '60s till now.

Not in any order

Cece Winan
Whitney Houston
Luther Vandross
Aretha Franklin
Natalie Cole
Leona Lewis
Paul Simon
Johnny Cash
Art Garfunkel

But I think the original is by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel.

I noted there was a version done for Obama recently (check 'My Music' by the side).

I just love the words, it kind of makes me think of Jesus on my side when all is not working for me.

When you're weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes,
I will dry them all;
I'm on your side.
when times get rough
And friends just cant be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
When youre down and out,
When youre on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I'll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silver girl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

Looking for a man Part 1

2008-11-08T01:15:00.006Z

Of late, I’ve been one busy Miss Macharia (looking). My sister in law has become more annoying and I’ve sworn to look for my own man and be the best sister-in-law. Mr Maua (he of facebook) started playing hide and seek, I got tired. He was not available from ‘this time to that time’. My phone bill escalated so high, and he stopped contacting, although my calling was welcomed. (I hate to say that you told me so).

I believe there’s a man ‘in the house’ for me, thus visited many houses in the last few weeks. I went to every Christian conference in London, and the neighbouring cities, I visited several churches, I signed up in Christian dating websites, visited several other places where I know Christians hung, all in the name of machariaring. And meeting I did.

I first met this handsome Naija guy who started calling me baby, honey, sweetheart and the like on the first date. He promised me heaven and earth (the moon included) within 3 days, and I knew he was a liar (heaven and earth can’t surely be his, we all know the owner). Sweetie and babie came out so fake I couldn’t take it.

I met a French/Naija (Nigerian father, Congolese mother, born and raised in France) young doctor who, I’d say just made my heart melt. The guy is a worshipper, when he leads the worship on Sunday, if you aren’t born again, believe me you’ll get saved.

The guy ggave me his phone numbers (mobile and work). So, I was having an appointment at the hospital where he works, and I decided to surprise him, buoi (say it the Naija way), he’s a radiographer not a radiologist. The guy also has a live-in girlfriend and a child – I’m too possessive, I don’t share. So I waved bye bye to yet another ‘brother’.

I met this other ‘brother’, Kenyan alright. He leads the service in his church, and there was no way I’d have thought of ‘me and him’. I felt way too beneath, yes down there. He’s ‘holier than thou’. After service there was a cuppa tea, and as my son approached the hall from Sunday school, the guy was standing at the entrance, he asked how my son liked SS, and then who he came with. Master Maua looked my direction and our eyes locked. We used the same train home, and ala, he lives in the neighbourhood. Te next Sunday after church he popped by, we had lunch. My son went to his room, and the brother and I were left alone. Within a short while the eyes started talking, then another language in a manner likely to suggest something different, he moved next to me. I was in shock, ‘is this the same guy I saw last Sunday?'

He reminded me of someone I cared for, who made me stumble. If the guy had not been born again, I’d have married him. But the stumbling part made me scared coz I was a baby Christian and he was meant to be more mature but……. And then there was this one in my living room.

Something was not right.

I opened the door and told him where to go.

4 days ago, I got a mail from a guy in one of the dating services. This guy, 32 yrs had seen my profile and he liked, could I look at his, he said. I ignore. Next day another mail. ‘I really like your profile, can I IM you’. Sure you can, but I've not subscribed to have that service.

I replied and told this guy to read my profile again. 40-45. Age is really important to me. It may be a number, but to me it’s not. He replied and told me that he’s actually 36, but ‘you can’t write all about yourself’. 36 and 40, there’s no much difference, he said. ‘Pls respect my profile’s wishes, if you were 48, I’d consider, but not even 39’. I know what I want, and I'm not ready to bend that just to suit you coz you like my profile, and think I don't even look 40. I ain’t being anyone’s mama, been there done that, not going back.

I’ve since deleted my profile, and I’ve stopped visiting the ‘houses’. I'm thinking of quiting my part time business. I can't keep planning, filming and photo shooting other people's weddings.

It’s now left between the Man above and I.

Power sharing

2008-11-06T08:27:00.002Z

Kenyans are really spreading the gospel.

Snow and Gas Gills

2008-10-29T20:53:00.003Z

London was cold today, when I say cold, I mean cold. The temperatures have drastically fallen, and today, we saw snow.

Snow you ask, but London snows all the time, you ask. But this is October. Normally, it’s a bit warmer, with traces of summer. Winter is a long way from now yet many parts of the country hit zero degrees. This leaves us wondering how Dec will be like, or Feb, the coldest month of the year.

Snow is good, don’t get me wrong, but you need a warm house to get back to, but with the high gas and electricity prices, what do we do?

Judge stabs a motorist

2008-10-22T00:39:00.002+01:00

Today I received the shocking news that my cousin is in hospital after being attacked by a judge in Nairobi. A judge of all people? I thought their roles are to prevent these things from happening.

Robert, our prayers are with you. Get well quick.

Fullstory and here

Section 62 of the Constitution reads: "A judge of the High Court may be removed from office only for inability to perform the functions of his office (whether arising from infirmity of body or mind or from any other cause) or for misbehaviour, and shall not be removed except in accordance with this section."

What are those other causes, I ask.

Mother rewards 13 yr old with cigarettes

2008-10-21T23:35:00.011+01:00

If my mum (bless her soul) caught me drinking, smoking, taking drugs and having sex at 13, I guess I’d be dead by now. I had sex for the first time at 19, and I went off men for a number of yrs. I had my first shandy and got drunk at 18. The following day I had a massive hungover with cold sweats and my mum, thinking I had malaria got me chroloquin. It was either that or a confession, but a confession to what, digging a grave for myself.

Any normal mother would go nuts if their 13 yr old confessed to drinking, drugs, smoking and being laid, but Sam Holt’s mother thinks it’s 'sweet' rather than shocking and instead rewards her with cigarettes on the rare occasions when she behave.

Tracy Holt, 43, knows Sam drinks but is just relieved that it's not more than a couple of cans of beer a night. She didn’t get angry about her daughter losing her virginity at 12, instead insisted that Sam uses contraception. It wasn't a one-night stand. She had been dating the guy for a couple of weeks.

'If I ground her, I'm just punishing myself because I have to put up with her in the house. Instead, I reward her good behaviour by giving her cigarettes. If she's bad, she goes without. She's a little comedian. I let her get away with a lot of cheek. It's sweet. Giving out cigarettes as a reward 'works'.

Miss Holt said: 'There are a lot worse things she could be doing’.

What could be so worse than all the above for a 13 yr old.

Here is the story

Murder due to Financial Crisis

2008-10-08T13:04:00.005+01:00

The financial crisis has hit so hard that people are now taking measures to try and survive. This man took a bigger step and murdered his whole family. But Why??????????

It's just got me thinking how much I love my son, and there's no way, absolutely no way I'll take such a decision and cut short his life.

'Son, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You give a reason to my living. When I look at you every morning, crunch or no crunch, I know you have to eat, dress and be housed, and that refuels my will to get up, drag my butt to my boss'.

Stations - be careful which ones.

2008-09-23T15:55:00.004+01:00

I printed the following, celotaped it on the wall next to my desk. I pointed the wall when my boss asked for some work she needed like yesterday but hadn't been finished (she's been overworking me of late).

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........

I caught her on a bad day coz the next day she called me into her office where I almost earned myself a written warning.

Annoying-in-law

2008-09-14T23:46:00.014+01:00

In Nakeel's confessions earlier in the year, especially the one person she could kill if she could get away with, I greatly admired her courage. My SiL is a total b**** and I guess she practices all HnH's suggestions.

I've heard others like this and this. Not very close to mine, but I'm quite satisfied that I'm not alone. I ask, for how long?

If my brothers and I agree to meet or do something together, she has to spoil it. I have only 2 brothers, but she has 7 brothers and sisters, not to mention she has both her parents and we don't. She can choose which one to talk to when she wants, but we 3, we just have ourselves. As the eldest in the family, I sometimes want to just shoot her, bury her and ask God for forgiveness.

If given the chance, she can easily employ divide and rule to set everyone against each other. 5 yrs of her in the family, we have just learnt her style and how to avoid her.

This weekend was one of the confrontational ones, and after much thought, it dawned on me what the bible says in Genesis 2:24, so, am I the intruder. Should I back off completely coz my brother can't even come to my house without a fight, or do I have to torelate her b*****it to have my brother. Why only her, coz my other SiL is a darling. We talk at least twice a month if not every week. They live further, yet I feel more close to my niece, and I see her more often than my nephews who live not very far from me.

I'm consoled that maybe I need to physically forget that side of my family until they come to their senses. I have to learn to pray for them and ask God to intervene.

'Dear God, please bring Mr Right in my life and I promise I'll be the best sister-in-law in the world, Amen.'

Bible Versions

2008-09-07T21:58:00.005+01:00

I lost my bible (The Amplified) a few Sundays ago, and I thought I’ll get a totally new version. King James, I thought, why not, everyone in church had one.

I’ve been surrounded by challenging issues lately, and turning to my new bible (KJV) did not make sense (I guess KJV is only useful on Sundays when you have to keep up with the preacher). I tried praying, the prayers bounced back unanswered (I think). It didn’t matter how loud I shouted, it felt like no one was listening. At this point, I normally turn to my bible. I really miss it, especially now that KJV is not working the miracles.

My broadband was down, so no reference to the online bible. It was devastating. I was almost giving up when I thought of my son’s bible (God’s word for boys). I‘ve no idea what version, but as I read through in a simplified version, there was clarity in the word.

Then I noticed the simple prayers (referred to as ‘Good Morning, God’) at the end of every 2-3 chapters. They are simple one sentence prayers for small boys, and I knew I had to be a kid again. It’s amazing that I just paid attention to them now, even though we’ve been reading the same bible for the last few years.

I concentrated on the book of Job, the only person I could relate to, and here are a few samples of the simple prayers.

Dear Lord

Job 3:1-3. Please help me not to be afraid to tell you how I feel whenever I have problems.

Job 7:17-21. Help my faith to grow stronger than my doubts when I go through tough times.

Job 12:12-25. When I do not understand, help me to remember that you know best.

Job 23:1-12. Help me to continue doing what is right even when it’s hard.

Job 42:7-16. Remind me of my future in heaven whenever I am feeling down.

Ps 16:8-11. Let me experience the joy that comes from a close relationship with you.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen
I looked at 2 scriptures, and compared the two versions.

Job 5:8 I seek God’s help and present my case to him. He does great things that we can’t understand and miracles that we can’t count. (I would seek unto God, and unto God would I commit my cause; Which doeth great things and unsearchable, marvelous things without number).

Job 4:6 Doesn’t your fear of God give you confidence and your lifetime of integrity give you hope? (Is not this thy fear, thy confidence, thy hope, and the uprightness of thy ways?)

I know which version I prefer now.

Free wedding photography in London

2008-08-20T14:50:00.001+01:00

I’ve been negotiating to shoot this wedding, and just yesterday, I got the worst news. Another Kenyan photographer was on the look out too, and his negotiating skills are maybe better than mine.

Normally, a wedding photography package starts from about £350.00 to about £750.00, with a 10-15% deposit. But this other photographer had something better. He has offered to shoot the wedding free of charge as long as he’s allowed to set a studio at the reception premises. The studio photos cost £5-10 each depending on size and whether photo mounts or frames are available, but one can not determine how many people will actually buy their photos.

I’ve been in weddings where I’ve set up studios, or just being a paparazzo, and although the money can be good, most times it’s a flop, not forgetting the fact that people look at you in manners likely to suggest … not very welcomed. EGM says it better.

I can not stop wondering if this photographer will actually offer the quality of work he’d otherwise offer if he did not have a studio, and how many other photographers he’ll have backing up coz he can’t do it all.

It has left me wondering what the future of wedding photography beholds. I’m just weary of my Kenyan people, and I think I’ll have to rewrite my Marketing/Business Plan. I need to re-look at my targets.

Summer Fun Day

2008-08-18T18:50:00.006+01:00

Yesterday was my church’s ‘Summer Fun Day’, a day we all look forth to. It happens once in a year on a Sunday afternoon after church in Greenwich Park in South East London. And it’s always sunny and bright.

Kenyan women get to play ‘kati’ aka dodge ball, bladder – something close to that, and bubble gum, although I grew up knowing it was bablican bablican. They give no chance for the other nationalities, mainly European to show what they did as kids.

Men, as usual, have carried football all these years and I don’t think they need reminding. Most find their game quite enjoyable, but a few will join the women as they reminiscence their childhood games.

Our children are always amazed at the games we played some 10-30 yrs ago. At first they just spectate, before they gather the courage to join in.

However, yesterday’s weather was a put off. The temperature was too cold, and many parents didn’t wait till dark. By 5:00 pm, we were freezing and almost everyone had left.

Next year, if I’ll help plan it, I might just call the weather station a month in advance just to be on the safe side.

Kenyan Tribes - Last Draft

2008-08-11T21:20:00.003+01:00

1. Boni
2. Giriama
3. Jibana
4. Kaoma
5. Pokomo
6. Rabai
7. Ribe
8. Duruma
9. Digo
10. Taita
11. Taveta
12. Embu
13. Gusii
14. Kamba
15. Kikuyu
16. Meru
17. Luhya
18. Nandi
19. Kuria
20. Tugen
21. Kipsigis
22. Pokot
23. Elgeyo
24. Marakwet
25. Keiyo
26. Sabaot
27. Elkony
28. Samburu
29. Turkana
30. Maasai
31. El Molo
32. Luo
33. Ogiek
34. Suba
35. Gabbra
36. Galla
37. Rendille
38. Boran
39. Orma
40. Njemps

Missing 2 if there are 42, and more than that if the number is bigger than 42. If I was to count all the Luhya sub tribes, the list goes to over 50. What if I omit the unheard of tribes eg Orma, Njemps, Gabbra, El Molo, but even so, the list is still more than 42.

Kenya - How many tribes?

2008-08-07T18:45:00.006+01:00

My son, who has never been to Kenya asked me to name all the tribes in Kenya. Shame on me, as patriotic as I say I am, I don't know.

I keep hearing 'there are 42 tribes in Kenya', and 'There are 47 tribes' etc.

Exactly how many tribes are there? I've tried google, but..........

I've started a list, and kindly ask my blogthren to add to it, and maybe,just a maybe, by the end of the month, we'll know.

1. Boni
2. Boran
3. Choni
4. Digo
5. Duruma
6. El Molo
7. Elkony
8. Embu
9. Gabbra
10. Galla
11. Giriama
12. Gusii
13. Jibana
14. Kalenjin
15. Kamba
16. Kaoma
17. Kikuyu
18. Kipsigis
19. Kisii
20. Kuria
21. Luhya
22. Luo
23. Marakwet
24. Masai
25. Meru
26. Orma
27. Pokomo
28. Pokot
29. Rabai
30. Rendille
31. Ribe
32. Samburu
33. Taita
34. Taveta
35. Teso
36. Tugen
37. Turkana

No more running

2008-07-23T21:35:00.001+01:00

I know I keep running, and running is just like falling. You fall, you get up, and keep moving. (If you fall and stay fallen, that is a mega sin.) So, I'm back and I'll try and stay. No more running.

I detest him

2008-07-07T17:22:00.003+01:00

The first time, I met him at the entrance of the hospital where I work. He was in the company of a friend's boyfriend, and they were on their way to see my friend who had just had a baby. We said hi, and I accompanied them to the ward to see the new baby.

It was lunch time, and I had to go back to work. I said bye, and off I went.

The second time, I met him at the train station on my way to work. We took the same train, chatted about everything and nothing. I got off and he continued.

The third time I met him in a wedding I was organizing. In the evening when all my duties were over, I joined the party. A drunken guy chokozad me and before I could sort the drunkard verbally, he came t my rescue and we danced shortly before I excused myself and left.

The fourth time I met him at my friend’s baby christening. I was photographing the event. After church we all went to the reception, more photos, more drinks, and more dancing.

The fifth time I met him at a party in my neighborhood. We briefly talked and I went on networking with other people.

The sixth time my brother and I went to watch Arsenal in Highbury, and while queuing to get in, I saw him behind us.

The seventh time we met in a conference, and I for a moment I thought he was stalking me. We sat next to each other throughout the session. In the evening he offered me a lift home. I invited him back in for coffee, and we ended up having dinner. I had given him no thought before this, but, suddenly I noticed his eyes, his smile and his wicked sense of humor.

A week later we had a date. We went to the pictures, and then Pizza Hut. We saw each other regularly after that. I learnt a lot from him, and I began to appreciate having a man in my life, again. By the end of the 2nd month, we were hopelessly in love.

After going out for about 4 months, his flat was put up on sale and the landlord gave him notice to leave. At the same time, his working visa was running out in 2 months and he had to go back home. There was no need of renting a place then leaving a few weeks later, and the human in me invited him to come and stay in my place for the remaining few weeks. We talked about it, and agreed he'd go home, and then look for a place when he got back, or we'd look for a big place for all of us (I know what you're thinking now).

It was so exciting to live with a man, again. It came with all the added extras, playing football with my son, late night drinks in the house, movies, eating out, and picnics and long drives on weekends, not to mention the unconditional attention, he gave me all the attention. (I love attention). He had all the qualities I need in a man.

I took a few days off work as we shopped and sought for an air ticket. This went on for a few days, and then one of the days he was meant to go out, I just wanted to stay at home, with him. Just the two of us. After all he'd be gone for 3 months or longer. I was entitled to this one day. So I got on the internet, searched for air tickets. After about 30 minutes, I got one with BA that cost far much cheaper than any we had seen. We decided to buy it online. It cost £430.00

We tried with his debit card, but the card was rejected. He suggested we just go out and pay by cash, which he had already, but I just wanted to lazy in the house with him. By the end of the day, I bought the ticket using my credit card, with the hope that I’d get the money back in cash, and pay off the debt. I never got it back.

A week later, I took him to the airport. I said bye.

Before he checked in, I reminded him of the money. We went to the cash point, but there was a problem, and he suggested he'd send me the money when he got home. I never doubted. I knew he had money at home. He'd be in Kenya for 15 weeks. I marked the return date on my calendars. I missed him every single day.

He had left his things in my house, inclusive of very important documents. A week after he arrived in Kenya, in one of our daily conversations, he requested I send some of the documents. I never questioned.

He received his documents, 3 days later, his phone went off. There were no phone calls or text from him and no emails either. When I tried calling, kept going mteja. I got so concerned after a week of trying that I had to involve my friend and relative to look for him. I thought he was in trouble. My cousin finally found him after three days. After this we spoke for about 2 more weeks, and this time, the phone went unavailable.

There was no doubt he was avoiding me. He needed time, and I granted him. I even emailed him to say I’d not try contact him till further notice. I did not try calling him for the next 2 months, until the week he was meant to come back. I emailed him. He did not open the email for quite a while.

The return day came and went, no him. I thought of a thousand and one things like this , but I couldn't think of the perfect action. Months came and went, and still no phone call, no him, no money (Oh yes, I started thinking of the money he owed me). I thought of what I’d do when he turned up my doorstep to pick up the rest of his staff, (I thought like Petesmama on her comment), but nothing would have worked.

2 yrs went by. I had even forgotten him completely, but his stuffs were still in my house, somewhere in the storage. Then a friend went to Kenya, and upon returning told me he had seen this guy with his new wife, and that he was planning to go to Italy for some business. Just thinking of him again hurt like mad.

I sat down and wrote a real big email (not a very polite one, but neither abusive). Before I could change my mind, I quickly clicked ‘send’. And I forgot about it.

Then one afternoon, I was in one of them. I was too tired to ride on the buses and trains, and thought, I’ll clear my storage. (Yes, you guessed right), I put all the stuff in black bags, then called my local charity shop and asked them to pick the bags up.

That night, (coincidently) I got an email, as long as can be. He was apologizing for the way he had treated me, and if I gave him my account number, he'd deposit the money. I didn't respond. It was time to move on.

Then one Sunday after church, (about a year after the email) he knocked on my door. I opened, and then shut the door on his face. Why was my son not using potty, I’d have used the content on his face like Petesmama.

When I finally opened the door a few seconds later, I was feeling like Samson in the bible, he was a Philistine that I had to destroy.

'What do you want?'

'Can we talk?'.

I looked at him for seconds, and all sorts of revenge came to mind before the mature me showed up.

I welcomed him in my kitchen and I sent my son to the neighbors. He didn't have to witness anything. After a cuppa, I told him we had nothing to talk about, and his stuffs were at the British Red Cross charity shop on the high street.

And I sent him away. That was almost 3 weeks ago.

I've thought of this over and over. Why I didn’t do this, and that. I think of Mr Maua, but he's taking so long and due to financial crisis, there's no sign of seeing him soon. Keisha keeps reminding me of the weakness in me. Is it the weakness or is this unfinished business needing closure. I detest him and I’ve no idea how to get rid of him from m mind.

Bringing Africa to London

2008-06-27T14:28:00.015+01:00

I’m still working on my next attraction, but I just had to share this.

Yesterday on my way home from work, I got into a bus in Camberwell. I was on the upper deck busy reading my Lite. The bus was almost full, meaning empty seats were scattered all over (you know what I mean).

As we got to Peckham, these two Naija guys in their 50s (I'll just call them Tunde and Femi,(although I'm sure they were not Yorubas, Ikwere, maybe) dressed in their attires boarded the bus. By this time there were only two empty seats, one more to the front and the other right at the back. Tunde sat in front and Femi sat at the back. Before they boarded the bus, they must have been in a deep conversation which was interrupted by the bus’s arrival, but believe it or not, the conversation continued in the bus. It’s like the guys were seated next to each other.

People tried shushing them, but the guys just sneered and continued with their conversation, as loud as could be, until the lady seated next to Tunde volunteered to exchange seats with Femi.

Tunde informing Femi at the back that the lady was offering to move was a conversation in it self coz somehow, Femi was a bit reluctant to move, but Tunde insisted.
'Come now, Oyibo go offer her seat now' (say that in Naijo accent. (Oyibo - white man )

Talk of bringing Africa to London, (keeping it real).

Other News
And as I was googling Yoruba, I came across this. I'm sure almost all of us have received emails of this nature. Now try accessing the website given

Polygamy or Bigamy?

2008-06-12T11:04:00.006+01:00

I promised HnH a post of people who get married to married people. It has taken long, but I hope it serves the purpose.

This is a real life experience; in fact it's a friend of a friend of a friend who was played for 5 yrs.

This guy, I'll just call him Alex, was married to….. Jane traditionally for several yrs in their native country in West Africa. He came to the UK for studies and upon completion got a good job and brought his family over. By then, they had 3 children, all girls and the first born was almost 10 yrs. They lived in West London and Alex worked in Central London. Jane got a job as an admin assistant, and they settled in their new council house.

A few months of Jane coming to UK, Alex met …. mhhh, Sheila, a Jamaican beautician who was in her mid 20s and fell they fell in love. He never mentioned Jane or the girls through out their courtship. After almost a year of being together, they got married, and 3 yrs down the line had 2 children, a girl and a boy.

Alex had 2 mobile phones, one number he gave to Jane, and the other he gave to Sheila. He always switched of one phone according to which wife he was with, making excuses that it was a work phone and did not need it when at home. He lied to both of them that his sales job required travelling to Birmingham every week for 2-3 days and the rest of the time he'd be in London. He had divided his week so well between the two women. He'd have several days here, while the other wife thought he was out there working hard. His job also demanded attendance of conferences, international travel and sales exhibitions etc every other weekend. This would be the weekends the wives would have with their husband.

'A thief has 40 days', my grandmother always said. Alex’s 40th day came after 5 years.

One day, he came from work. It was Sheila's turn to behold the husband. As usual, he hung his jacket, and then went to have a bath. It was one of those evenings when he had 'come from a conference' and was really tired, and needed to soak himself in the bath.

He had forgotten to switch off 'Jane's phone', and as soon as he got into the bathroom, Jane phoned. Sheila knew she had no business with that phone coz it was all work. The phone stopped, then rung again and again. She thought maybe it was an emergency, and if she answered, she'd relay the message over to her husband.

'Hello'

The phone went off, and then rung a few seconds later.

'Hello'.

'May I speak to Alex?'

'He's busy right now, May I take a message'.

'sure, tell him his wife phoned'

'What, I'm his wife'.

The women argued for several minutes, and it dawned on them that they were being played. So Sheila asked for Jane's phone number and so she'd call her later.

Late in the night when Alex was fast asleep, Sheila phoned Jane. They talked and exchanged notes on how they both had been the other wife. They even met on several occasions. They agreed not to disclose this to Alex until the right time. Jane lived in West London and Sheila lived in South East London (likelihood of meeting… very little). The truth, Alex never travelled outside London. Birmingham was West London and London was South London.

Every day, they talked. When Alex was with Jane, Sheila would call and joke that her husband had travelled to Birmingham or was in Europe on a conference. And Jane would say ‘my husband is right here with me. He looks too tired though, it must be that conference he went to last weekend’. And the game went on and on for 6 months, by which time both women had grown to resent him so much, and somehow like each other.

Alex's family (sisters and brothers) all knew of the 2 women. They had attended the two weddings, birthdays and other special occasions. They played the happy in-laws for both women, and the happy aunties and uncles for the children. both women felt very betrayed by the whole family.

Sheila's son's birthday was coming and this would be the moment they were both waiting for. The wives decided that Jane would turn up last after the sisters, brothers and friends. They'd make it extra special and mega.

When everyone was seated and enjoying themselves, Jane phoned Sheila to make sure it was time. Jane rung the door bell and Sheila asked Alex to please open the door, and she stood right behind him. It was such a shock for Alex. He looked at Jane, and the children, and then at Sheila and all he could say was 'You know her?'

When Jane walked into the living room, all the sisters and brothers went quiet. The 2 women did not bother. They just continued as though nothing had happened, until they cut the cake.

Sheila called the children and introduced them to each other, then send them outside to play. The drama in that house, wacha tu.

Alex excused himself to go to the gents, but instead opened the door and off he went. None of the wives heard from him for a month. The sisters and brothers were too ashamed to talk, they just picked up their bags and children and left.

When Alex turned up at the door steps of both of them, none wanted to listen. He had had his cake and he had eaten it. They had both packed his staff and never wanted to hear from him. He lost his 2 families at the same time.

2 weeks ago (almost 2 yrs since this whole saga),a friend saw him on the streets, he's become a tramp and there's a possibility he's addicted to alcohol, or drugs. I wonder what led to this?

My question is, was it worth it?

Beating with muiko

2008-06-06T15:07:00.004+01:00

During my days as a child, there was no detention or grounding. My teachers dealt with vibokos and my parents with slippers and miiko (wooden spoons) and belts. In today’s world, that was child abuse. I fail to comprehend where I would be if I did not get these, but then again, both the teachers and the parents were very poor communicators and never really expressed what they expected clearly. Beating was the only way of being heard.

They always spoke in riddles, and sometimes they would mean the opposite of what they actually expected. Take for instance:

Before my mum leaves for work, she’d say things like ‘ngore mutharurukaniitie nyumba ihana kiara (let me find the house in a mess looking like a dumping ground), or ‘ngore mucinite nyumba’ (let me find the house on fire)’. If anything was a mess when she came back, as a cop, we saw the real her at work.

When I had my son, some of these disciplining came to mind. I wanted to bring an upright child who obeyed, not argued with me like I had seen with other children. At one year old, he had discovered the matches, and somehow knew how to light them. One day, rather than smack the back of his palm, I decided to proof a point. I lit a match stick and handed it to him. Very excitedly he held it until the flame burnt him. He really felt pain coz 12 yrs on, he’s not played with matches again.

He was ok with food, but at a certain age, almost 2, he’d spit it out and throw tantrums. At this stage, I introduced a muiko (wooden spoon). He knew what a muiko was. I smacked him with it on his bum, and there after, I’d just have to mention muiko for him to do what he was being told, including eating. He even learnt to hide them whenever he found them lying about, and I just kept buying them. He’d throw them in the bin, hide them under the bed, the sofas, everywhere.

By the time he was 3, I had smacked him 3 times which he never forgot. To send him to bed, I’d get muiko, and pointing the bedroom, I’d say ‘to bed right now’. If I put food on the table, I just had to put muiko by my side and say ‘eat your food’, and I was assured that he’d eat everything. Funny enough, he never saw me cook with it.

One day I put food on the table, and the phone rung. I was still holding the muiko as I went to pick the phone. My son finished his food and then went to play. He came back 20 minutes later and found me still on the phone. It was my turn to taste the muiko. He quickly went to the kitchen, got another muiko and whacked my bum really hard and pointing to my now cold food said ‘mummy, eat your food’. I had no words.

Before he turned 3, he went to nursery school. I’d drop him on my way to work and pick him up on my way back from work. It was always a fight getting him from the classroom, as it was so much fun, and being an only child, he’d dread going back to the house with no other children.

One evening, I pulled up at the gate to pick my son as usual. I noticed a police car parked inside the compound, and wondered what would have happened. As I got close to the classroom, the class-teacher and the head-teacher accompanied by a police woman approached me. I panicked. Was my son alright. Before I could utter a word, the police woman came to me and asked,

‘Are you master Maua’s mum? I nodded. ‘We’ve got every reason to believe that you abuse your son’.

‘What’, I asked.
‘You need to come with us to the police station and we’ll sort this out’.

Where’s my son, I kept asking

‘He’s with a social worker and will be at the police station’, I was told.

‘He’s only 3; you have no right to do this?’

I was taken to the police station where I was quizzed for almost 4 hours.

This is what had happened: my son’s class was playing with kitchen toys. The teacher picked up something and then asked the children,

'what’s this'

'a spoon',

'what’s it for'

'eating'.

She went on and on until she came to the muiko.

'What’s this?'

'A wooden spoon'.

'My son goes, no it’s a muiko. My mum calls it muiko'.

'No, it’s a wooden spoon, tell us what is it for'.

'it’s for beating bum bum'.

This was repeated at different times in different places and the answer was the same.

‘Does your mum beat you on the bum?’

Yes, when I’m a bad boy.

The class teacher reported this to the head teacher who repeated the same things and finally had to call social services who involved the police. They did whatever they had to do and the last option was to wait for me.

I called my brother who was to act as the guardian. I figured my parental rights were temporarily withdrawn that day.

In a separate room, my son was being interviewed, and I was being interviewed. It was my word against a 3 yr old. The problem was, at that age he did not know how to tell a lie. So whatever he said was taken into account.

After almost 4 hours of hell, in his own way, his own words, he told of how I had beaten him only 3 times, and how I had used the muiko to threaten him if he did not do the things mummy wanted him to do.

Those 4 hours were very terrifying, and at some point I lost it, just imagining social services taking my son away from me. I think there and then I decided to never beat him again. It's lie, coz I still did, once more, story of another day.

Think of this when next you beat a child. I guess I was lucky, several have not.

It taught me to embark on other techniques, grounding and denying the things children like most. For my son football, tv and designing football gear on the computer mean so much. Grounding for me means no TV, play-station, game-boy, psp, computer etc. When the sun is up high, he’s thinking of playing football, or when Arsenal is playing, he thinks he can take ownership of telly, I send him to his room. Through the window, he watches as his friends are playing or listens as neighbours are cheering. Next time he, he thinks twice going against my rules.

How young am I?

2008-05-27T14:19:00.002+01:00

Several yrs ago, I cherished birthdays and their parties, now, I'm not sure. My birthday is next week, and I've totally forgotten what people used to do.

Pls don't ask 'how old', I'll just accept 'how young', but only if I know what I'll be doing on that day.

A priceless lesson in Maasai life

2008-05-20T11:29:00.011+01:00

This made me feel so sick, and partially ashamed of my Kenyan people. I've heard of kitu kidogo, lakini this is too big a cut. Shame on all those who exploit others. Exploiting one person maybe excused, (Isaid maybe) lakini a whole village, seriously, I've no words.

'A lesson for the Maasai' lakini why from foreigners? Where is the Tourism Management Team in Kenya?

This made me think, yaani we can not manage our own resources without the intervention of foreigners? Even with a cabinet of over 40 goons.

Women, very obedient species

2008-05-19T10:14:00.019+01:00

"...the FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists, two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!

The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair"..."

Author unknown

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are very determined creatures. Don't mess with them. Regardless of what it is, nothing and no one will stand between them and their dreams, and they are very obedient too.

Other related News
Did you know that highly educated women are less likely to get married, and it's not out of choice. According to this, the more women achieve, the less men want to be 'associated' with them.

After reading the article, and relating it to the FBI recruiting, makes me wonder whether this is the reason most of us are very single. Which makes me conclude that to some extent men are very controlling and very insecure species. As times change, women are getting to know what they really want, and despite being turned down by men, they will not settle for anything less than what they think they deserve.

Ama, what do you think?

Who can beat a woman

2008-05-15T13:17:00.013+01:00

I have nothing this week, I'm working on a post which was prompted by a comment I made last week, but for now, look what I stole (I'm not telling where from).

He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out.

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning & mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit...repairmen refused to work in the house...the maid quit...finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back...

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the small was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth...but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...including the curtain rods.

Moral of the story: Women are not strong enough to fight with men physically, but they know the soft centres, and the pain stings.

The Bronze Plus Bank Account

2008-05-07T12:59:00.010+01:00

Place: KCB (Kenya Commercial Bank)
Branch: Anniversary Towers
Time: 14.25 hr
Year: 2000

I’ve queued up for so long, not sure how long. I’ve been carrying this cash the whole morning, in the mathrees luckily no pickpockets have caught up with me yet. I need to bank this cash now. (I am a trainee mathree tout, learning to run my mathree business. I do my banking everyday at about 3.00 pm, but today, I have an appointment).

But, unlike the banks in UK, bankers go for lunch same time with everyone else. On a serious note, there are only 2 counters in use, and the queue, wacha tu. For the hundredth time, I’m counting how many people are before me. None, I’m next. I’ve got everything ready, I don’t have to waste any time unnecessarily. I’ve wasted enough already.

The customer on counter one has just finished. Yes, Yeeess. I’m next. I walk up to the counter. I’m not sure whether I’m happy that I’ll be served in the next minute, or angry coz I’ve been in this establishment for the last hour and half, or is it 2 hours. I’ve put my card in the hole (what do they call it), and the cashier is just about to pick it, when this hand stretches behind me, and a card falls in front of the cashier. I turn around, and there is this woman, in her late 30s (I’m in my early 30s, I sense trouble, and I’m sizing her. Can I take her?)

“There’s a queue”, I say

“I know”, she says, “but I’m a Goldplus account holder”

I turn to the cashier.

“What’s the name of my account again?”
S**t, who cares, I came in first, and there’s no way she’s being served before me.

“Listen lady, I don’t even know what account I hold, bronze or copper, but I’ve been queuing for the last 90 minutes (90 sounds more than an hour and half), and if you want to be served on this counter, wait until after I’m done, or look for another one.

She’s adamant, looks at the cashier, who at this point has no idea what to do. I have a right as a bronze account holder who has been queuing for the last 90 mins, (no 92 minutes now), and this woman, is paying for all the privileges. But, I’m determined, there’s no way I’ll be late for my appointment coz I’m holding a bronze account, (where is Annan when you need him), I have to go first.

This is my 3rd week in Kenya from UK, and in my wallet (which can hold 8 credit cards, and the spaces are all full) I am the proud owner of the following cards:

• Barclay connect card
• Halifax cash card
• Iceland free delivery card
• Boots points card
• Tesco’s club card,
• expired Barclay Connect card
• expired Barclay Visa card
• University Student ID card

I’m so angry now, and I don’t even realise I’m opening my purse.

“Look lady, I’m the proud owner of all these accounts, (even tesco club card has my account of my shopping habits, so is Boots). I don’t think you need to know how much is in the accounts; likewise, I don’t want to know how much you have in your gold account. We bronze account holders are keeping these banks alive and standing, this is my bank, and I’m not being moved by some gold account”.

By now the cashier knows better than serve this woman before me. To help him make his decisions, I grab the card and throw it back at her without even looking where it'll land. I'm a size 10, but I can tyson a goliath right now.

Before I turn around to look at the cashier, I hear a loud applaud. I’ve not even noticed I’m in some drama, and everyone is listening. The whole bank had been quiet and watching me.

The woman turns around, feeling so embarrassed and she walks away, without being served.

I talk to myself for a good 1 minute, complaining the problems we common wananchis face every day. How can a banking establishment give their staff a lunch break at this time of the day? We might as well open our own banks and not have to queue.

“What do you do for a living”, asks the cashier while serving me.

“I’m a mathree tout.”

The Effects of Technology

2008-05-06T11:24:00.006+01:00

It was tough, but He took me through. I'm back.

Thank you all, your words meant a lot to me, and for those who said a prayer, God heard you.

I've nothing to write, so I'm digging from elsewhere. I'm sure for most of you, this is familiar, and it's in your inboxes.

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend in winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because both had jobs, they found it difficult coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. In his room there was a computer, so he decided to send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The dearly departed was a minister of many years who had been called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've arrived.

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

PS: Sure is hot down here

I miss you mum, I miss you dad

2008-04-18T11:20:00.024+01:00

This is dedicated to my loving mum and my dear dad, and everyone in the blogsphere who's lost someone important in their lives.

I miss you dad, I miss you mum.
I love you

It's like I can almost hear your voices in unison,
"And we love you, baby. Take care of 'your family'.
Don’t worry we’re in a better place now."

The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.
Though we loved you so much, your missions on earth are accomplished.
I thank God for the years that He gave us, together.

Thank you for shaping me to the woman I am today. Thank you for giving me 'my family'.

"Raindrops"

I fear not what the future holds
But more what the future unfolds
Coz I'm hurting each time that I breathe in life without you
Every hour solemn I need you
Un-devoured
I'm falling now
What can I do
There's so much to give
If only I had my hands to fix things
So I hold it inside watch as it dies
I can't even look at the sky it's burning my eyes
Similar to smoke I wish I could float far away from here
Raindrops
I hope one day that this pain stops
Washing me away

I was dealing with the death of my father
And now with the death of my mother
I miss you both too much
But you know that I'll ride to the end
I didn't cry when you died
But I let my tears fall on the track
The track to follow back to us

Everything happens for a reason
You don't know what you have till it’s gone
That's why I’m taking advantage of the fact I’m breathin'

These words are dedicated to my mum and dad
Iknow in future I’ll see you both,... again
I know you're both looking down on me, proud
I know you both love me
Raindrops
I hope one day that this pain stops
Washing me away

In life things go wrong
If they don't kill you they make you strong
So you must hold on
If everything was right then something's wrong
Ironic ain’t it
That’s just the way life is
That's why I thank God every chance I get for blessing me
With my beautiful family
What's victory with no laws
What's smiling with no tears
What’s love with no hate
What’s courage with no fears
Just think about it and apply to your life
And no matter what the problem is
Don't worry darlin' keep your head up
It's gonna be alright
Raindrops
I hope one day that this pain stops
Washing me away

I like them warm

2008-03-30T00:24:00.005Z

Last week Sunday I get up, prep myself and I'm all set for church, then I open the door, it's snow flakes falling like mad. I go back inside, I've got to change, start all over again with white on my mind.

I get back from church, it's not snowing. I quickly get my camera, and this is what I get. (Poor kid out there.)

I go to my bro's, I come back and the whole white paint has been washed away. Come to think of it, it's March, not ,'#/`£$%$ January or February. Ati they call it global warming. I'm from Kiambu, I like everything warm. I don't do cold.

PS, I still have no clue how to add links. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllp

Moses & the Computer

2008-03-28T15:31:00.009Z

This is a bit of the rest.

One Boyfulani asked, 'if Jesus lived today, would He blog', and one Neema replied that blogging would be a good form of spreading the gospel. I say, we change with time. I figure a conversation going after Moses has received the 10 commandments and lost them (not broken) in 2002 AD. Mark you, he called TECHNICAL SUPPORT Mwenyewe.

Excuse me, Sir.

"IS THAT YOU AGAIN, MOSES?"

I'm afraid it is, Sir.

"WHAT IS IT THIS TIME, MOSES; MORE COMPUTER PROBLEMS?"

How did you guess?

"I DON'T HAVE TO GUESS, MOSES. REMEMBER?"

Oh, yes; I forgot.

"TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, MOSES."

But you already know, Sir. Remember?

"MOSES!"

Sorry, Sir.

"WELL, GO AHEAD, MOSES; SPIT IT OUT."

Well, I have a question, Sir. You know those ten 'things' you sent me via e-mail?

"YOU MEAN THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, MOSES?"

That's it. I was wondering if they are important.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'IF THEY ARE IMPORTANT,' MOSES? OF COURSE, THEY ARE IMPORTANT. OTHERWISE, I WOULD NOT HAVE SENT THEM TO YOU."

Well, sorry, Sir, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them; but, of course, you would see right through that.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU 'LOST THEM'? ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME YOU DIDN'T SAVE THEM, MOSES?"

No, Sir; I forgot.

"YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SAVE, MOSES."

Yes, I know. You told me that before. I was going to save them, but I forgot. I did forward them to some people before I lost them though.

"AND DID YOU HEAR BACK FROM ANY OF THEM?"

You already know I did. There was the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not.' May he change the words a little bit?

"YES, MOSES, AS LONG AS HE DOES NOT CHANGE THE MEANING."

And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh, and recommended calling them the 'Ten Suggestions,' or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?

"MOSES, I WILL ACT AS IF I DID NOT HEAR THAT."

I think that means 'no.' Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?

"I THINK THE TERM IS 'SPAMMING,' MOSES."

Oh, yes. I E-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff, and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer.

"AND WHAT DID HE SAY?"

You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those -- err -- plagues, and that's the reason I lost those ten 'things', do you?

THEY ARE NOT PLAGUES; THEY ARE CALLED 'VIRUSES,' MOSES."

Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but at least I never lost them.

"WE WILL DO IT THE NEW WAY, MOSES; USING COMPUTERS!!"

I was afraid you would say that, Sir.

"MOSES, WHAT DID I TELL YOU TO DO IF YOU MESSED UP?"

You told me to hold up this rat and point it toward the computer.

"IT'S A MOUSE, MOSES, NOT A RAT. MOUSE! MOUSE!
AND DID YOU DO THAT?"

No, I decided to try calling technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you? And I really like your hours. By the way, Sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?

"NO, MOSES."

One other thing. Why did you not name them 'frog s' instead of 'mice,' because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?

"I DID NOT NAME THEM, MOSES. MAN DID, AND YOU CAN CALL YOURS A FROG IF YOU WANT TO."

Oh, that explains it. I bet some woman told Adam to call it a mouse. After all, was it not a woman who named one of the computers 'Apple?'

"SAY GOOD NIGHT, MOSES."

Wait a minute, Sir. I am pointing the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten 'things' have come back.

"WHICH ONES ARE THEY, MOSES?"

Let me see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and 'Thou shalt not uncover Thy neighbor's wife.'"

"TURN THE COMPUTER OFF, MOSES. I'M SENDING YOU ANOTHER SET OF STONE TABLETS."

Photo taking virus

2008-03-25T23:28:00.010Z

I contracted a photo taking virus from 31337, and this Easter, in the middle of the night(I couldn't sleep, I had just talked to 'Mr Maua', I miss him now, more than ever). I took my camera, while standing outside my balcony, I thought, 'I need to send him a photo', and nothing was more appealing than the Canary Wharf (The Wall Street of London) by night. Lakini huko, kwa mbali.

This here is Canary Wharf, about 4 yrs ago, it's more beautiful today than then. http://www.buyimage.co.uk/photonet/canary/canary.html (Copy and paste, and then tell me how you add links???????????? honestly I can't do it, I've tried and tried, in vain).

I do hope he (Mr Maua) appreciates this.

Happy Easter

2008-03-20T11:38:00.015Z

Easter is one of the most important Christian holidays. Easter is celebrated to remember the resurrection of Jesus Christ from his death three days after he was tortured and crucified on Good Friday. Resurrection of Jesus Christ forms the main theme of the Easter Holiday.

One day when sin was as black as could be, Jesus came down, and was born to a virgin, living he loved you, dying he saved you and rising he justified you freely forever. May our Lord remind you once again that he died for you on the cross, that you may not go thru the same torture, and that you may live eternally.

With this in mind, I couldn't help thinking, if men did ressurect soon after death, would my loved ones want me to live again? Certainly not for this man.

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance”.

Have a happy Easter.

Marketing Concepts

2008-03-17T00:18:00.011Z

For those asking about the smile kama maua, I 've decided to give you a taste, just a taste of it.

Straight from facebook. I've tried to keep off facebook, especially after poking supposedly future Mr Maua, but, I just can not keep off. But I'll share what I found these evening.

Marketing Concepts

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed. Marry me!" That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed. Marry him." That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed. Marry me." That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, am fantastic in bed. Will you marry me?". That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are fantastic in bed. Marry me." That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That's Customer Feedback.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband That's Demand and Supply gap.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say, "I'm fantastic in bed. Marry me!" She turns her face towards you - kumbe she is your wife! That's competition eating into your own market share.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You convince her that "you're fantastic in bed' and move with her to a hotel. You realize that she is not virgin as she claimed hence you decline going to bed with her. That's recalling of faulty brand from the market.

Studying in mother tongue

2008-03-10T12:50:00.007Z

If we didn’t have to learn English (as a 2nd language), just studied everything (History, Geography, Biology, Physics, Chemistry …….) in our mother tongue, like the English, Greek or German people do,

• I’d have been an ‘A’ student, made a great lawyer, defending cases in Kiuk. (Photography, wedding planning, would I have studied them? No way.)

• My grandma would have made a very good medical doctor. (She never went to school, but knew the human body, diagnosis, prognosis, and nutrition like mad.

• We’d have so many graduates, (Kenya would be a developed country).

• We’d have so many Universities in Kenya, (one for Kiuks, Luos, Kaleos, Kaos etc).

• We’d have no problems expressing ourselves in foreign languages, (emigration would not exist).

And the list goes on and on ………

But then, there are people in UK who can not read or write, and so many who can not express themselves fully on pen and paper, leave alone going to Uni, yet it is their mother tongue.

They import doctors, nurses, teachers etc, while many of their own are semi illiterate and on welfare.

(That is my small mind wandering).

Facebook has brought back my love

2008-03-05T15:59:00.011Z

Facebook! Yes Facebook.

On Saturday nights after my son has gone to bed and no ‘gal’s dinners, I kunyihia hwai online. I check my emails, travel through graduates.com, facebook.com, blog abit before getting to my research project. I’ve done this for a few months now, and it’s become a norm.

A few Saturdays ago, I visited facebook.com. I don’t know whether I’m the only one who looks at friends’ friends. But this Sat, I had a look at a few friends’ profiles, their friends, then the friends’ friends, and the friends’ friends etc. And LOL, I saw this face, it looked familiar, a bit aged though.

‘Lol, that was my high school sweet heart.’

Last I saw him was 8 yrs ago (after 12 yrs) when I went home for holidays, I bumped into him on the streets of Nairobi, exchanged phone numbers, met once for coffee near his work place. He told me he was a Legal Advisor in the banking industry; he was married (recently separated) with 2 beautiful boys.

We reminded ourselves of our days, and he told me how heartbroken I had left him when I left home for Europe immediately after school. I had promised to keep in touch, but 6 months later, the distance kept us farther and farther away. He also expressed how unhappy he was in his marriage, and how he was trying to make things work for the sake of the boys. I was not an expert in that area, but I assured him I’d pray for him. 4 days later I was on my flight back to London.

But here he was, on facebook.

I quickly took a trip down memory lane. He was so sweet to me those days. He’d go to the nearby town centre (girls were not allowed to leave the school compound), and bring me goody goodies, and of course he’d bring chapos and katharika when he went home for the weekends. We always went to the dining hall and assembly together, were involved in the same clubs and activities. We even encouraged each other to take extra subjects to be in the same classes more often. We were very compatible. Needless to say, I loved him. Damn distance.

Back to facebook: I poked him, and the next day he not only poked back, but requested to be my friend, he send a message, and scrolled down my contact details for my email and send me a lengthy email, summarising the last 20 yrs in an A4 size letter. HE’S SINGLE AGAIN.

We’ve been emailing each other every day, and we’ve been phoning each other every now and again (I’ve become a big stake holder at the corner shop next to my house - low cost calling cards), and my phone bill is huge. I feel like a teenager in love. I had forgotten how it felt like, and I feel special. This beau is bringing all this back. We’ve been up and down the recalling highway; there is so much to catch up on. Last weekend he reminded me of our second last meeting before I left Kenya. We had just sat our last exam paper, general paper, I think. It was a Tuesday. Apparently we had organised for our luggage to be picked the weekend before, thus, we were very light. We went to Ken-Chick (pornographic chicken) somewhere near the bus station. We talked till very late in the evening.

He took out a ring. He must have picked it up from a curio. It was a cheap thing, (but it meant the world to me). He put it on my middle finger and said it was a token of his love, and that he’d wait for me(3 yrs). I cried, and cried. He held me close. He told me how much he loved me. I promised him I’d be back and we agreed that we’d get married, have 4 babies (2 boys and 2 girls) who’d look exactly like him. (We had seen far, we were both 18). He said he wanted to have the flowers(smile kama maua)in his family, forever.

We then just sat there, not talking for a very long time. We tore off a piece of paper from an exercise book, and started writing love notes, and responding to them, without talking. It was so romantic. We photocopied that paper to remind us of that day, and our promises to each other, sealing our oath. (I kept it for years, until I was convinced it was no more).

2 days later he joined my family and friend to take me to the airport. It was the last time I’d be considered a child. I kissed everyone goodbye, and lastly I hugged him, he held me tight. We were like that for 2-3 good minutes, promising the world to each other. We were true. With my family witnessing all this. No contamination. He went back to ours and spent 3 more days with family, playing the perfect son and brother-in-law. That was 20 yrs ago.

But, thanks to facebook, a few weeks after resurfacing in my life, I think I’m in love with him, again, He’s asked if we can be Mr & Mrs Maua. I would like to, but there are 3 children involved as well (his 2 boys and my son), they do not know yet. He does not live with them, but they are in the equation.

He’s trying to get a visa to come to UK in a few weeks (to get formally engaged) and when my son closes school in summer we’ll go home for a month. He says we should take advantage of that time and just tie the knot. I’d love to, but for the sake of Master Maua (school) I’m not ready to relocate. He does not want to relocate here. He’s more established in Kenya than I am in UK.

Are we dwelling on unfinished business? For 20 yrs there've been several people in my life, and I'm scared of this one being a statistic as well. Blogthren, what do you think I should do?

For once age is just a number – he’s 2 months older

Tagged

2008-03-02T19:25:00.001Z

I've been tagged and tagged and tagged, yes three times. I've no choice.

rules/rules/rules

Link to the person that tagged you.-
Post the rules on your blog.-
Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.-
Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.-
Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

1 I'm always late for work regardless of how early I get up. I’m rarely late for church or weddings.

2 I hate loud noise and loud music. I get irritated when people play loud music in the buses and trains.

3 I don't get my shoes off, even after a long day at work because my feet get very cold.

4 I never have breakfast at home on week-days. If I try, I forget it on the table, untouched.

5 I’ve not dated for over 3 yrs coz I attract men who are 10yrs younger than me. I look 10-15 yrs younger than my age. What happened to men of my age.

6 I always have a gal’s dinner in my house at least once every 2 months for all my close friends and I to catch up on ‘hot gossip’.

Herein find guys tagged, Ngaaatho, there's no one to tag, they've all been tagged.

Weird relationships

2008-02-29T16:52:00.009Z

I got into a bus the other day, and I had no book with me, which is unusual. I guess I do most of my reading in the buses and trains. That's how I kill boredom.

I looked around and picked up this magazine, and came across this funny article. I laughed like mad, in the bus, by myself. It felt like blogging.

Help me and work out these relationships?

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally the other man said:

"You think you have family problems? Now you listen to my situation."

"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown up daughter and we got married.

Later my father married my stepdaughter
That made my stepdaughter my stepmother
My father became my stepson
My wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law
Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son
This boy was my half-bother because he was my father's son
but he was the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grandson
That made me the grandfather of my half brother

This was nothing until my wife and I had a son
Now the half sister of my son
my stepmother, is also the grandmother
This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child
whose stepsister is my father's wife
I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law
My wife is her own child's aunt
My son is my father's nephew
And, I'm my own grandfather.

"And you think you have family problems!"

Finally

Did you know that people born on 29th February get to celebrate their birthdays once every 4 years?

On sunday is Mother's Day and I wish all the blogging mothers a very HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY. Mujienjoy to the maximum.

'Our Father who art in heaven' .

2008-02-10T20:55:00.000Z

"Our Father, Who Art In Heaven.

Yes?

Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.

But -- you called ME!

Called you? No! , I didn't call you. I'm praying.
Our Father who art in Heaven.

There -- you did it again!

Did what?

Called ME. You said, 'Our Father who art in Heaven'Well, here I am. What's on your mind?

But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer. It makes me feel good, Kind of like fulfilling a duty.

Well, all right. Go on.

Okay, Hallowed be thy name.

Hold it right there. What do you mean by that?

By what?

By 'Hallowed be thy name'

It means, it means . . Good grief, I don't know what it means. How in the world should I know? It's just a part of the prayer. By the way, what does it mean?

It means honored, holy, wonderful.

Hey, that makes sense. I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before. Thanks. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, On earth as it is in Heaven.

Do you really mean that?

Sure, why not?

What are you doing about it?

Doing? Why, nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control, Of everything down here like you have up there. We're kinda in a mess down here you know.

Yes, I know; But, have I got control of you?

Well, I go to church.

That isn't what I asked you. What about your bad temper? You've really got a problem there, you know. And then there's the way you spend your money -- All on yourself.
And what about the kind of books you read?

Now hold on just! A minute! Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the rest of those people at church!

Excuse ME. I thought you were praying, For my will to be done. If that is to happen,
It will have to start with the ones who are praying for it. Like you -- for example.

Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that you mention it, I could probably name some others.

So could I

I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would like to cut out some of those things. I would like to, you know, be really free.

Good. Now we're getting somewhere. We'll work together -- You and ME. I'm proud of You.

Look, Lord, if you don't mind, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does. Give us this day, our daily bread.

You need to cut out the bread. You're overweight as it is. In your bank account, in your house,

Hey, wait a minute! What is this? Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of a sudden you break in and remind me of all my hang-ups.

Praying is a dangerous thing. You just might get what you ask for. Remember, you called ME -- and here I am. It's too late to stop now. Keep praying. ( . . pause . . ) Well, go on.

I'm scared to.

Scared? Of what?

I know what you'll say.

Try ME.

Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.

What about Ann?

See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories. She never paid back the money she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her!

But -- your prayer -- What about your prayer?

I didn't -- mean it.

Well, at least you're honest, But, it's quite a load carrying around all that bitterness and resentment isn't it?

Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her. Boy, have I got some plans for her. She'll wish she had never been born.

No, you won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. You know how unhappy you are --, Well, I can change that.

You can? How?

Forgive Ann. Then, I'll forgive you; And the hate and the sin, will be Ann's problem -- not yours. You will have settled the problem as far as you are concerned.

Oh, you know, you're right. You always are. And more than I want revenge,
I want to be right with You . . (sigh. All right all right. I forgive her. There now!

Wonderful! How do you feel?

Hmmmm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all! In fact, I feel pretty great! You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight. I haven't been getting much rest, you know.

Yeah, I know. But, you're not through with your prayer are you? Go on.

Oh, all right. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted.

What do you mean by that?

You know what I mean.

Yeah. I know. Okay!.

Go ahead. Finish your prayer.

For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever.
Amen.

Do you know what would bring me glory -- What would really make me happy?

No, but I'd like to know. I want to please you now. I've really made a mess of things. I want to truly follow you. I can see now how great that would be. So, tell me . . .How do I make you happy?

YOU just did."

Nearly There Syndrome

2008-02-02T00:28:00.000Z

I know it's a little late for this, but I was reflecting on a few things in regard to the New Year. But instead, I found myself referring to 2007, the many things I purposed to do. Some are half way done, and others are still being birthed. I thought of the effort I’d put, the time I spent trying to make them be, and just why they never became.

Most things I start, they nearly get to the finishing point. Very few get there. I made a short trip to my walk with God, my contribution in my church, and the many activities I participate in. And like wise, I feel I’m half way there.

In a silent prayer, I asked God, “Why do I suffer from a Nearly There Syndrome? Why do you allow this to happen?”

In a silent voice, I heard God talking to me. He asked me, ’how much tithe have you robbed me in the last year? You nearly get to almost giving me your tithe, but you give me part of it, some Sundays you forget your purse and cheque book at home, and you end up giving me loose change from your pocket. You busy yourself on Saturday evenings, get home late and tired and you sometimes do not go to church or get there late and don’t get to do some things you purpose to do. But you nearly get to do them, but you do not. If you do them, you do them half way. Likewise, I nearly get to blessing you. I nearly get to finish those projects for you. But if you will commit yourself fully, in every area, then I will commit to playing my part, and I will surely get there for you’.

I knelt down and asked for forgiveness, for I am guilty, and I have sinned. But I know that the blood of Jesus will wash me clean, and I can start again, because God is a God of 2nd chances. I trust Him, that when He says, He will.

Agony analyst

2008-01-31T15:09:00.001Z

A long time ago there were magazines called Drum, True Love, Step etc. I remember nicking from my uncles, just to read the agony aunts. Here is the a dot.com Agony analyst.

I got this forwarding and I couldn't help but share it.

Letter 1

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2006.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. The mistakes then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge.

These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2008, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2008, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

Please Help

Letter 2

Dear Systems Analyst,

I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities. Applications such as "BoysNight out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected "SaturdayChampionsLeague 9.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. Be it online or offline. I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", or install Mistress 2008 but uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 program. Can you please help?

.... AND THIS IS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customers,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriends programmes to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.

Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform. You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system once it is installed. Some people have tried to install Girlfriend or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\ APOLOGIZE\FORGIVEME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0" or even Eating out without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST WISHES

Technical Support

Just a pair of trousers, have mine.

2008-01-15T15:05:00.000Z

It was the last day of term a.k.a. Closing day. It was a day when we boasted our worldly possessions, mainly our flashy home clothes ( we had to decide a whole month in advance) and the whole term’s savings, which added up to about Ksh10.00, at most Ksh30.00. This was a fortune considering bus fare was only 50 cents.

My younger brother (he is 4 minutes younger than me) and I had shared lots of things including clothes. You see, they called me Wanja Kihii, and I only claimed ownership of 2, maybe 3 dresses, for special occasions. The rest were boys’ clothes and were shared between the two of us.

Sharing was not a problem, until my brother got circumcised and ‘became a man. He decided his things were his, including the clothes that had bore his title, ‘men’. But I was not ready to give up the title ‘Wanja Kihii’ just like that.

This closing day I had eyed a pair of jeans, so had my brother.

So this Friday morning, I woke up first as usual, prepared myself and got the pair of jeans first. For this day, and this day only in the whole term, I anticipated leaving home before he woke up.

Too late, he was up before I was completely ready to leave. I was having breakfast when my brother caught up with me. Seeing what I was wearing, he demanded I take off his clothes. As usual, we fought. It is this fighting and shouting that woke my grandfather, who was visiting.

He intervened, and my brother went about justifying himself. They were his clothes alright, but why couldn’t I wear them. Because men do not share clothes with women, only boys did.

My grandfather felt sorry for me, and to sort the whole problem, went into his bag and came back with a pair of trousers. The waist must have been a 40 something, but otherwise very new.

‘You’re fighting over just a pair of trousers, have mine’. Mubuto tu nigua muraruwira, kee uyu wakwa.’

He said it with so much sympathy, that I felt so humiliated. I took off the jeans. My brother had for once won.

I went to school a very sad girl, despite having saved Ksh23.00 to spend on goody goodies, and a short trip to Pop-In and Cameo Cinema.

That was the end of sharing.