Yes, it's all over, for now.

I have finally come to the end of my journey. My project went in yesterday. I have spent 14 hours in bed and the rest indoors not knowing what to do with myself. The last 3 weeks have been spent in front of ‘Stalker III’, and right now, although he and I have spent too much time together, I’m trying to spend as much time away from him as possible, therefore, as soon as I use him to write this post, I’ll be off him for a few days. My son has missed him so much. Apparently he shows the best movies. I’ll be using ‘Handy’ instead.

Anyway, I have survived the last few weeks with this project, and yesterday after the hand in I went to see my course director, just to thank him for his help thru the journey. I expressed to him how tough it was, and how I thought I don’t have to ever go through that again. He was sympathetic enough, and just kinda repeated the exact words I had told my ‘gal’ earlier in the week that I’ll either never touch an academic book ever in my life, or I go back and do a doctorate within a few months. Mmhhh, Doctorate? So I can do a doctorate, a DBA, me, Dr Maua?

The doctorate can wait for now, I need to re-bond with a few people. My God for starters, He never let me down even when I sometimes, sometimes is an underestitate, most times forgot Him. My brothers even gave up phoning me, I was unavailable. My son, oh my son, he so understood me through this journey that he just kept off my way. He cooked for me, he ran my baths, he tucked me when I fell asleep in the wrong places and he even did the shopping. He was just the perfect guy for me, that I wrote this in my acknowledgement.

This work is dedicated to my son, whose smile every morning gives me the reason to get up and strife to make the world a better place for him, and who, even when he didn’t understand, showed me and softly told me, ‘mummy, you can do it’.

A big thank you to God for all His love and cares through this journey, and for showing me that through it all, Him and I are tight and I’m forever His girl.

Thanks to all who contributed in making this project a success.

Special thanks to my supervisor, her guidance and support is/was invaluable, my Course Director and the administrator, the men who knew where everything was, thank you for being there.

Thank you to all my families, i.e. New Hope Church Int’l, T & D and my ‘gals’, especially Winn who did all the critical bit, words cannot express my gratitude.

I acknowledge all the men in my life
Master, thank you for being the adult in my absence. No more junk food from now on.
Big guys, sorry for all the calls I missed or never made; you can have your sister back.
My Pastors, thank you for your continued prayers. The prayers never went to voicemails or held in queues, they went to heaven express.
Boss, you are the best I could ever ask for.
Friend, you inspired the start of this journey, thank you for being there through it all.
Stalker, for all the e-tissues and the tele-stalking, especially at night to check my progress, for being the ‘devil’s advocate’, technical support, and your ‘can you do this?’ lectures, priceless.

It was mother’s day on 3th April and again on 8th May, but I forgot all about it. And I’m therefore adding this bit of acknowleding.
Mum, you never had the chance to attend any of my graduations, but the seeds you sowed in me have surely come to harvesting. Thank you for all your hard work and the wise words, and most of all, thank you for all your unselfishness.

A big thank you to my e-friends, when I was down, you came down to my level and showed me I could wipe the dirt and slowly get up and going.

Thank you all.

I'm so McBovvered now

I’m meant to be finalising my paper. I’ve been off work for the last few weeks and will be for another 3 weeks. My phones have been off/on silent, and I’ve not even bothered with the door bell. This is not very helpful to my friends and family, especially those who have branded me ‘a walking A-Z’ and ‘talking pages. Missing me, they say, but am I bovvered right now, do I sound bovvered? No, even Catherine Tate agrees with me.

But I am starting to get McBothered now coz they are now calling my son’s phone, and the land line has been doing my heading. I’m considering leaving town and locking myself in my library, the only problem – 24hr service has been suspended until after May Bank Holiday.

Can these people go for Bank Holiday as well?

See you after my paper is well handed.

I've moved to a new neighbourhood

I got a forwarding which made me think of my situation. I think I've over-extended my temporary visa and it's time to upgrade to a permanent one. I've often complained to God how 'my' situations and storms are big and complicated and in all I forget to address the situations and storms (they are not mine any more, I refuse them) by telling them how big and understanding my God is.

I reviewed my drive recently, and the findings were shocking. Many times I ask God to lead me, but in actual sense I drive myself. I miss junctions on motorways, I go beyond/below the speed limit and get penalties, I forget the road works, yet in all I'm too quick to ask God 'where were You in all these'. I search 'my location' in my GPS, often forgetting that He is the GPS.

Before I start something else, here is the forwarding...

"Can't remember if I told you that:

I have moved out from Beggars Alley, located at 2 Poverty Lane at the corner of Down and Out Circle. As of today, I have a brand new home.

My new address is Living Well on 231 Abundance Terrace, located at the corner of Blessings Drive and Prosperity Peak . It's in the God Can neighborhood. I will no longer allow myself to travel to the other side of town on Begging Peter to Pay Paul Route, located at a dead end intersection called I Don't Have, which connects with Borrowers Junction! .

I no longer hang out at Failure's Place, near Excuses Avenue , next to
procrastination Point. I've moved to an upscale community called Higher Heights with unlimited potential and opportunities for my success. I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me!

Life is good because God is good!

Care to change your address?

There are many vacancies!

GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS OH LORD!

I AM WELL BLESSED AND SO ARE YOU!!!!!!"

I have therefore decided to claim one of the mansions next to the forwardee. There are still more vacancies, and they are yours for the claiming. Hope to see you in my new neighbourhood, soon.

Did you know that if you drive over 70mph and below 93mph on the motorway if caught it's a traffic offence? Beyond 93mph is a criminal offence.

Dear Lord

Thank you for this day, and for being by my side. In you, I see, feel and find hope.

Thank you for all my family including master Maua, my stalker, my blogren and e-friends. Strengthen our ties as we seek you more and more. Avail Yourself in our needs according to Your riches in glory.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

Describing my stalking playboy.

I have been in a relationship since Aug last year which has caused me so much pain. I am not sure whether I am in love or just infatuated, but I have gotten to the point of when he says jump, I ask how high. We live an hour away, and we are more in a long distance relationship, phone only. I write emails, send texts, but he says he finds it easier to just call. He's my friend on Face book, no, Facebook stranger. He follows me all the way, no comments. Zero foot prints.

He’s a Kenyan, he's my age, and has 2 children in a previous relationship, exactly the way I like them now. I feel like he’s using his children and work as an excuse to escape some things. He spends one weekend, Fri to Sun, and a whole Saturday a month with the kids. I have a son too, and due to my past experience, I respect families and therefore refrain myself from any contact with him during this time. I believe it’s his time with his children. His childrens' mother got married 1 month before we met after having separated for 5 years. I was a perfect catch for a rebound.

He has an IT company, servicing and maintaining business computer servers, and at times when these businesses have issues, he is required to attend to them even on weekends (so I've been made to believe). His contract with many of them requires him to be on-call. Most times he’s working from home, but his time is ‘fully engaged’.

I'm a QT kinda girl. I don't want flowers, chocolate, and words have lost meaning since August. I want him with me as often as I can. But sometimes I don’t see him for up to 2-3 weeks. When he’s with me, he makes me feel so special I forget all the hurt he causes. We talk 1-2 times a day, and there will be times we’ll not talk for up to 2 days. He was too busy to see me weekend before Xmas as he was travelling to Kenya for 3 weeks. In my calendar, my days have halted on 13th Feb coz I'm still waiting for dear Valentine. He's still on the motorway driving to me.

I used to just turn up at his doorstep in the hope of proving something, but I’m tired of the games. The annoying thing is when he doesn’t answer his phone, especially Saturdays when we are supposed to meet. I have a feeling I'm not the only one in his life, but talk of silence treatment, I've been injected with this silent, secret drug that has no name whose side effect is the need and desire of him being with me or talking to me.

On the other hand, he is full of knowledge, and when we see/talk, there is nothing we can not talk about. When he’s 'present', he’s a brother, lover, teacher, sister, friend, confidant and many more, all wrapped up in him. He has a wicked sense of humour, and he’s the sort of guy you won’t feel a thing taking to your parents.

I know this relationship is terminally ill, I want to kill it. The question is not how but when? Many a times I plan in my head how I’ll keep off him, but I’m too weak in the evenings after my son has gone to bed, when I need to talk to someone ‘who understands me’, or when I’m alone and playing scrabble alone in the dark.

I am in the last phase of writing my thesis, and since Oct last year, this relationship has caused too much damage in my studies. We broke off in Nov for about 3 weeks, and I thought it’d be easy to get over him as I busied myself in my studies. Pure lies, it caused so much hurt and tears I had to request for more time in my submission from Jan to May. When we got back together, I thought things would be ok, but I am in a worse situation than before. I feel so rejected and insecure, and the need to proof myself to him despite the fact that I’m also trying to delete him in my life completely. I'm normally a very strong person who can easily walk away and not look back, but not with this one. I'm totally eddied around him. Love, not sure.

I want out, but right now, getting off will cause more damage than staying in. I have a deadline to hand in my project, but how do I stay in this till then and still deliver a good piece of work?

I know I'm not a kid, and I shouldn't be played. And I know I should get off him like now, but somethings are easier said than done.

This is my favourite, coutesy of my stalker playboy. When he whispers those words, who wouldn't be fooled. Complete contraction.